A man appears before the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man says. "Once I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they
wouldn't listen.

So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker.
I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground and told him, " Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me.'"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"A couple of minutes ago."