Everybody has a story from the OPA awards party .. it's time mine finally gets told.
07-18-2013 | 11:30 AM
#1
Thread Starter
Racer
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,802
Likes: 0
From: Chesterfield, MI
Everybody has a story from the OPA awards party .. it's time mine finally gets told.
* names, places and events have been changed to protect the drunks involved.
It all started at the OPA Year end party .. Being a
Offshore event, it was filled with racers and, more
importantly, HOT Chicks wanting to get with the
racers. Drinks were flowing obviously; I am about a
thousand times more charming when I have trouble
pronouncing my own name. After several beers, a
few vodka sodas, and a shot or two of Jack, we
found ourselves surrounded by chicks from MTV’s
the Jersey Shore (Thats the way I remember it and
it’s my story...) when the champagne started flowing,
and after a few toasts, it was time to take stock
in the situation. I was pleased with where we had
ended up, as pretty much every one of these girls
was a 1/2 on a birthday, and considering the copious
amount of social lubrication that had made its
way into my blood stream, I was totally rockstar status
in anticipation of what was potentially to come.
As we exited the bar, I probably would have had an
extra spring in my step if I was not busy pinballing
from wall to wall. I hopped in a cab with several
girls and a couple others from another team. My
crew was no longer at my side, which would come
as a huge inconvenience later in the night. We
wound up at the Crown Plaza, and as I strode
through the lobby, I caught an envious glare from
the poor sap working the night shift at the front
desk. Oh, you ain’t heard? I’m the man I said with
my inner monolog. We took the elevator up to
one of the girls’ rooms, and the night decided to
take a turn for the worse.
You all know that my sense of logic and reason is
impeccable, but even I have no Fu Cking idea why I
did what I did next. I found myself in the elevator by
myself, returning to the lobby. I was making my way
to the door when I had an incredibly brief moment
of clarity and decided to return back to the room
upstairs for a night that could only be told in a
Playboy magazine. Only one problem: I could not
remember what floor, let alone what room they
were on. No worries, a simple text would solve my
problems. Unfortunately, and much to my chagrin,
my phone had called it quits for the night. I stood
there in the lobby contemplating my options; basically,
the way I saw it, I could either walk back to
my hotel room, or die alone in the lobby. That’s
right, die. and I did not want to die... sure, I could
have simply looked to my left and asked the *******
at the front desk what room they were in?.. but
I was not really in the best shape to start a conversation
at this point.
I remembered that the bar had been only a mile
away from my hotel, and felt that it was beyond
obvious that this Hotel had to sit in the exact same
place in the city, even though we had taken a cab
there. I walked off down the road, confident that
just around the corner awaited the red and white
sign of the Red Roof Inn and my warm bed, After
about two miles, however, I realized that none of
the landmarks around me looked in any way familiar,
probably because they consisted of a highway
off-ramp and about a billion pieces of garbage.
So unless my hotel had a cloaking device that disguised
it as a bumb urinating on the street, then I
was a bit off course.
I was beginning to sober up at this point, and felt
myself growing closer and closer to a state of
panic. I decided to break out into a run, as nothing
could be more natural than a middle aged fat guy
running through the streets in Jersey, right?
Unfortunately, the brutal cocktail that is alcohol and
gravity decided to hit me right then and there. I ate
$hit, and I mean ATE $HIT. It was the type of fall
where you can actually hear your head hit the
ground. I rose to my feet in a bit of a daze, but
unfazed in my efforts to not be sleeping on the
street that night. As I continued down the road
(walking this time).
Now I am in the middle of I-Don’t-Want-To-Be-Here
Ave. with a fresh gash in the head, alone, and with
no form of communication. Every single time I saw
a set of headlights, I threw up my hand in hopes
that it was a cab or cop. Of course, that would have
done me no good since I had about $5 in cash on
me. It was also about 4 in the morning and people
definitely seemed to be steering clear of this area.
But, much to my amazement, a car pulled to a
stop. I was ecstatic to find a taxi and ran over to the
vehicle. I quickly realized, however, that it was not
a cab. I was greeted by two ethnically-diverse boyz,
1/2 my age. They told me to get in the car. Now, I
generally consider myself to be a pretty smart; I kill
it when I watch Jeopardy. But, I got in that car. Who
is a retard, Alex?
Immediately upon entering, the black kid in the passenger
seat turned and asked if I got jumped. I
replied with a “yes”, hoping to gain some sympathy
or hoping that these guys would not even bother
being second to the game. He asked me if I had any money,
which I took out without hesitation to give to him.
His next question was why the dudes who jumped me
did not take my money. .....Holy CRAP, this dude should
work for the FBI I thought.
I decided to talk to these guys. Have you ever
seen show Criminal Minds? They always say that in
a kidnapping case, it is important to humanize the
victim to the perpetrator. I wanted to remind these
Boyz that I am a human and not a carrying case for
whatever they wanted to shove into every orifice in
my body.
We drove for a while, during which time the driver
asked me for cigarettes, and for some reason did
not murder me when I responded in the negative, a
plus as I saw it.. Things got weird again when the driver, a
local Jersey Shore Boyz, suggested we just go crash at
his place. In my best effort to keep a tone that did
not reveal how much I figured he had a gimp outfit
with my name on it, I said “I really need to get back
to my room.”
After about a half an hour, we finally
found my hotel! Even though my new friends did not ask
for anything else, I felt I owed them the only piece
of almost-currency left on my person: a Boost
Mobile Wireless gift card. Enjoy some minutes on
me! As sketchy as it all was, I would have
been cooked had it not been for the Jersey Boyz
hospitality of the two thug mofos in the hood.
Thanks for the ride, Boyz...
It all started at the OPA Year end party .. Being a
Offshore event, it was filled with racers and, more
importantly, HOT Chicks wanting to get with the
racers. Drinks were flowing obviously; I am about a
thousand times more charming when I have trouble
pronouncing my own name. After several beers, a
few vodka sodas, and a shot or two of Jack, we
found ourselves surrounded by chicks from MTV’s
the Jersey Shore (Thats the way I remember it and
it’s my story...) when the champagne started flowing,
and after a few toasts, it was time to take stock
in the situation. I was pleased with where we had
ended up, as pretty much every one of these girls
was a 1/2 on a birthday, and considering the copious
amount of social lubrication that had made its
way into my blood stream, I was totally rockstar status
in anticipation of what was potentially to come.
As we exited the bar, I probably would have had an
extra spring in my step if I was not busy pinballing
from wall to wall. I hopped in a cab with several
girls and a couple others from another team. My
crew was no longer at my side, which would come
as a huge inconvenience later in the night. We
wound up at the Crown Plaza, and as I strode
through the lobby, I caught an envious glare from
the poor sap working the night shift at the front
desk. Oh, you ain’t heard? I’m the man I said with
my inner monolog. We took the elevator up to
one of the girls’ rooms, and the night decided to
take a turn for the worse.
You all know that my sense of logic and reason is
impeccable, but even I have no Fu Cking idea why I
did what I did next. I found myself in the elevator by
myself, returning to the lobby. I was making my way
to the door when I had an incredibly brief moment
of clarity and decided to return back to the room
upstairs for a night that could only be told in a
Playboy magazine. Only one problem: I could not
remember what floor, let alone what room they
were on. No worries, a simple text would solve my
problems. Unfortunately, and much to my chagrin,
my phone had called it quits for the night. I stood
there in the lobby contemplating my options; basically,
the way I saw it, I could either walk back to
my hotel room, or die alone in the lobby. That’s
right, die. and I did not want to die... sure, I could
have simply looked to my left and asked the *******
at the front desk what room they were in?.. but
I was not really in the best shape to start a conversation
at this point.
I remembered that the bar had been only a mile
away from my hotel, and felt that it was beyond
obvious that this Hotel had to sit in the exact same
place in the city, even though we had taken a cab
there. I walked off down the road, confident that
just around the corner awaited the red and white
sign of the Red Roof Inn and my warm bed, After
about two miles, however, I realized that none of
the landmarks around me looked in any way familiar,
probably because they consisted of a highway
off-ramp and about a billion pieces of garbage.
So unless my hotel had a cloaking device that disguised
it as a bumb urinating on the street, then I
was a bit off course.
I was beginning to sober up at this point, and felt
myself growing closer and closer to a state of
panic. I decided to break out into a run, as nothing
could be more natural than a middle aged fat guy
running through the streets in Jersey, right?
Unfortunately, the brutal cocktail that is alcohol and
gravity decided to hit me right then and there. I ate
$hit, and I mean ATE $HIT. It was the type of fall
where you can actually hear your head hit the
ground. I rose to my feet in a bit of a daze, but
unfazed in my efforts to not be sleeping on the
street that night. As I continued down the road
(walking this time).
Now I am in the middle of I-Don’t-Want-To-Be-Here
Ave. with a fresh gash in the head, alone, and with
no form of communication. Every single time I saw
a set of headlights, I threw up my hand in hopes
that it was a cab or cop. Of course, that would have
done me no good since I had about $5 in cash on
me. It was also about 4 in the morning and people
definitely seemed to be steering clear of this area.
But, much to my amazement, a car pulled to a
stop. I was ecstatic to find a taxi and ran over to the
vehicle. I quickly realized, however, that it was not
a cab. I was greeted by two ethnically-diverse boyz,
1/2 my age. They told me to get in the car. Now, I
generally consider myself to be a pretty smart; I kill
it when I watch Jeopardy. But, I got in that car. Who
is a retard, Alex?
Immediately upon entering, the black kid in the passenger
seat turned and asked if I got jumped. I
replied with a “yes”, hoping to gain some sympathy
or hoping that these guys would not even bother
being second to the game. He asked me if I had any money,
which I took out without hesitation to give to him.
His next question was why the dudes who jumped me
did not take my money. .....Holy CRAP, this dude should
work for the FBI I thought.
I decided to talk to these guys. Have you ever
seen show Criminal Minds? They always say that in
a kidnapping case, it is important to humanize the
victim to the perpetrator. I wanted to remind these
Boyz that I am a human and not a carrying case for
whatever they wanted to shove into every orifice in
my body.
We drove for a while, during which time the driver
asked me for cigarettes, and for some reason did
not murder me when I responded in the negative, a
plus as I saw it.. Things got weird again when the driver, a
local Jersey Shore Boyz, suggested we just go crash at
his place. In my best effort to keep a tone that did
not reveal how much I figured he had a gimp outfit
with my name on it, I said “I really need to get back
to my room.”
After about a half an hour, we finally
found my hotel! Even though my new friends did not ask
for anything else, I felt I owed them the only piece
of almost-currency left on my person: a Boost
Mobile Wireless gift card. Enjoy some minutes on
me! As sketchy as it all was, I would have
been cooked had it not been for the Jersey Boyz
hospitality of the two thug mofos in the hood.
Thanks for the ride, Boyz...
07-19-2013 | 08:29 AM
#4
Registered
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 485
Likes: 0
OMG How did you even think to leave the hot chicks?????? Let alone jump in a car with 2 "boyz from the hood" your not gonna live this one down. lol
Seriously glad you ended up ok though. You could have ended up swimming with the fishes.
BK
Seriously glad you ended up ok though. You could have ended up swimming with the fishes.
BK
07-20-2013 | 10:53 PM
#6
Registered
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 130
Likes: 0
From: Thompson Ohio 44086
Rick,thanks for providing me with a good laugh.Many of us have had nites we would not want articulated in a national forum such as this one.However I found it irresistible and shared it with my wife who up till now believes Tyler & I study scripture in our off time at race venues. We will still be racing but I think our wives are having us fitted with tethers about 50 feet in length.Your story has made a substantial contribution toward saving my marriage I can,t speak to Tyler's. Grumpy G
. Good read either way
