Have you ever been embarrassed by the appearance of the female crew members on your boat? Have other boaters ever laughed at your crew? Have they ever been called skanks by inconsiderate (but probably correct) boaters? Well if you’ve ever found yourself in this position, this new product is for you. It’s called “Skank Wrap” and it will forever change the way you select members of the opposite sex to board your boat.

You’ve heard of “wraps” for your boat where high speed / wide format inkjet printers are used to print whatever graphics package your heart desires on thin, flexible adhesive material that is then “wrapped” around your boat. Basically, the sky is the limit as to what can be printed on these warps. They can literally transform a roach into a Skater look alike in mere hours. Well, the same technology has now been applied to wraps for the human body.

Does your lady look more like Janet Reno than this month’s Penthouse Pet of the Month? No problem – wrap her! That’s right, we can print an exacting, lifelike image of whomever (or whatever) you dream up on special adhesive film and in less than an hour apply it to your skank. The results are staggering. You can even wrap a whole bevy of (former) behemoths and be out showing up your friends for a fraction of the cost of real beauty.

As an added benefit, since Skank Wrap is “shrunk” in appropriate areas to fit your woman’s body, for a small additional charge, we can shrink certain areas a bit more than others to make it look like she weighs less than a polar bear and has a set you could tend bar on. And since we’re technically “squeezing a balloon,” just think of the possibilities. Oh, and don’t worry, our trained and certified application specialists will custom cut openings in critical areas of the warp to allow for, well, you know. (Wink, wink)

I should also note that our Research Scientists are hard at work on a companion product tentatively called “Bubba Wrap” that promises to do the same thing for the man in your boating life. We’re still trying to find a material with enough tensile strength to hold in the average beer gut while still allowing the subject to breath, but unlike or early efforts, the latest test results look very promising. There is this little problem with body hair when the warp is removed though …

Stay tuned for more detailed information on product availability, cost and turn-around time – all coming soon!

Is it possible to make one 225 pounder into two 112's? I mean even if they're stuck together full time that's fine.. Also, How is the adhesive going to hold up when oiled down (Baby oil, KY, etc) ?? Cause if the glue fails before the boating day is finished and Shrek's Sister pops out while putting the boat back on the trailer, You may get some funny looks... You can claim the other two are in the Cabin sleeping and this is the land based crew. There is Promise for this product but some small issues may still need work. If theres a tear in one of the openings, Can it be Re-Shrunk?? How many times?? How close from one slit to another without ending up with one gapping hole??? When they eat is it gonna sound like their face is wrapped in tin foil?? Hmnnnn

Let's see some before and after shots.

Don't be around that 225 pounder when she starts eating and that wrap can't handle what kind of pressure, it could get ugly really quick...

You had me at "skank"

Will the apparent weight reductions in crew potentially increase speeds? Are there any plans for a more permanent version?
I would suggest that the product have limited availability. After all, if everyone's crew looked like Playmates, the value would be diminished!
Either way, I would like to get ahead of the curve and place an order......

My playmate varnishes and bottom paints its really cute when she speckled in blue antifouling.

The sick sense of humor is still alive in a world gone mad. That is what really sets high performance boaters apart.

Great, you just brought a smile to many faces on this Thanksgiving day....now if you could have those scientists start working on a Mother-in-Law wrap, you could be the next Bill Gates.

Mother in law wrap just requires 1 piece of strategically placed duct tape.

Great ides That's one of those "Why didn't I think of that? You should take the idea to Shark Tank for funding.....