Now THIS is funny...put on your reading glasses...
09-04-2012, 05:01 PM
#1
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Now THIS is funny...put on your reading glasses...
A couple years ago, I subjected myself to reading one of Jimmy Buffett's books. I am (and always have been) a total bookworm, and as such, I have an appreciation for what a fine author can do. Mr. Buffett is not such a man. I enjoy his music...but really, his publisher should have just declined his manuscript...at least in the case of "A Salty Piece of Land."
Anyway, there is a very funny passage in the book that I thought I would share with you all...and then we will have a little math lesson, m'kay? Here goes...
Passage from "A Salty Piece of Land" by Jimmy Buffett:
"I heard you were here and wanted to know if you could take a moment to chat about the last of your stock options I mentioned in my recent letter," he called out. Cleopatra ignored him and was in the middle of commanding Soloman to cast off when her voice was drowned out by the deafening roar of the straight-pipe exhaust stacks of an approaching cigarette boat.
"I hate those f$%ers," Cleopatra hissed. "They've been glamorized by TV shows, but there's only one reason they came into existance, and that's to get large amounts of cocaine from Columbia to Florida as fast as possible."
So around the bend in the river comes this penile extension-looking thing loaded down with several overweight, bare-chested males with obvious testosterone imbalances. The boat was painted bright yellow with the words PAR-T-ANIMAL scrolled down the side in metallic orange letters. The men, surrounded by a bevy of what appeared to be aspiring porn queens in small bikinis, were passing a bottle of champaign.
The boat sped by our mooring, throwing a huge wake that seconds later hit the Lucretia broadside and sent the hull crashing into the dock and the crew scurrying for fenders. Several of the teak planks of our deck were splintered, and naked bolts sat where the big cleat used to be. At that point I turned to look a the culprits, and that's when I saw Donald wave to the driver of the boat, who grinned, then turned around and shot us a moon.
Cleopatra was not amused. She waited until the Par-T-Animal had moved about a hundred yards downriver, and she watched as three men climbed onto the stern of the boat and peed into the river, shaking their flabby a$$es out of time to the blasts of heavy-metal music, while one of the women shouted at the trio to pee in the direction of the lens of her video camera.
That's when Cleopatra asked Roberto for her gun. He appeared instantly with her M16. From the dock, Donald screamed, "No, no, Aunt Cleo! I don't think we should be firing off semiautomatic rounds on Sunday!"
She shot Donald the bird, snapped the clip into the gun, walked to the bow, knelt down out of sight between two large sail bags, took aim at her target, and fired.
Next, we heard the sound of a seriously badly running engine rev up as the driver of the boat tried to speed up with no success. Smoke billowed out of the lower units of all three engines. And as if that wasn't satisfying enough, a two-ton freighter and several tugboats suddenly filled the narrow river as the party monsters abandoned the Par-T-Animal and swam for their lives through th grimy water before their boat was crushed by the freighter."
Anyway, there is a very funny passage in the book that I thought I would share with you all...and then we will have a little math lesson, m'kay? Here goes...
Passage from "A Salty Piece of Land" by Jimmy Buffett:
"I heard you were here and wanted to know if you could take a moment to chat about the last of your stock options I mentioned in my recent letter," he called out. Cleopatra ignored him and was in the middle of commanding Soloman to cast off when her voice was drowned out by the deafening roar of the straight-pipe exhaust stacks of an approaching cigarette boat.
"I hate those f$%ers," Cleopatra hissed. "They've been glamorized by TV shows, but there's only one reason they came into existance, and that's to get large amounts of cocaine from Columbia to Florida as fast as possible."
So around the bend in the river comes this penile extension-looking thing loaded down with several overweight, bare-chested males with obvious testosterone imbalances. The boat was painted bright yellow with the words PAR-T-ANIMAL scrolled down the side in metallic orange letters. The men, surrounded by a bevy of what appeared to be aspiring porn queens in small bikinis, were passing a bottle of champaign.
The boat sped by our mooring, throwing a huge wake that seconds later hit the Lucretia broadside and sent the hull crashing into the dock and the crew scurrying for fenders. Several of the teak planks of our deck were splintered, and naked bolts sat where the big cleat used to be. At that point I turned to look a the culprits, and that's when I saw Donald wave to the driver of the boat, who grinned, then turned around and shot us a moon.
Cleopatra was not amused. She waited until the Par-T-Animal had moved about a hundred yards downriver, and she watched as three men climbed onto the stern of the boat and peed into the river, shaking their flabby a$$es out of time to the blasts of heavy-metal music, while one of the women shouted at the trio to pee in the direction of the lens of her video camera.
That's when Cleopatra asked Roberto for her gun. He appeared instantly with her M16. From the dock, Donald screamed, "No, no, Aunt Cleo! I don't think we should be firing off semiautomatic rounds on Sunday!"
She shot Donald the bird, snapped the clip into the gun, walked to the bow, knelt down out of sight between two large sail bags, took aim at her target, and fired.
Next, we heard the sound of a seriously badly running engine rev up as the driver of the boat tried to speed up with no success. Smoke billowed out of the lower units of all three engines. And as if that wasn't satisfying enough, a two-ton freighter and several tugboats suddenly filled the narrow river as the party monsters abandoned the Par-T-Animal and swam for their lives through th grimy water before their boat was crushed by the freighter."
09-04-2012, 05:04 PM
#2
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Seems like Mr. Buffett has more than just a little of animosity towards go-fast boats and the people that own them. This passage was so over-the-top, I was almost crying I was laughing so hard.
But then something happened today in THIS VERY FORUM that explained EVERYTHING.
But then something happened today in THIS VERY FORUM that explained EVERYTHING.
09-04-2012, 05:07 PM
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This is where the whole math thing comes in...and you can do the figuring all on your own.
This quote from Pat in the thread about the newly listed TRIPLE ENGINE 36 sums everything up nicely:
"Delivered that boat to the owner ourselves. At the time Jimmy Buffett was his next door neighbor for whatever that is worth.
It was trip 502s with whipples. Hauled azz and loved gas. "
This has been your math and literature lesson for today kids. Hope you enjoyed it!
Lol.
mike
This quote from Pat in the thread about the newly listed TRIPLE ENGINE 36 sums everything up nicely:
"Delivered that boat to the owner ourselves. At the time Jimmy Buffett was his next door neighbor for whatever that is worth.
It was trip 502s with whipples. Hauled azz and loved gas. "
This has been your math and literature lesson for today kids. Hope you enjoyed it!
Lol.
mike
09-05-2012, 08:55 AM
#7
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wow, i guess the crazy part is, its wrong to have a loud boat, but its ok to shoot at people and ruin their property and risk their lives? IF the above story is true, sounds like a lawsuit to me. As a side note arent the liberals supposed to be the peaceful ones? 
09-05-2012, 09:43 AM
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wow, i guess the crazy part is, its wrong to have a loud boat, but its ok to shoot at people and ruin their property and risk their lives? IF the above story is true, sounds like a lawsuit to me. As a side note arent the liberals supposed to be the peaceful ones?
09-05-2012, 10:08 AM
#9
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Buffet's an azzhat. His books suck, his music sucks, his burger joints suck, and his arrogant hypocritical politics suck! He can go suck one as he's lumbering around his 125' yachts and Dassault Falcon jets, while pushing his tree-hugging, save-the-manatee bullsht on everyone else.
