Tues funny - thoughts to ponder
01-15-2002 | 06:02 PM
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From: GRAND RAPIDS, MI
Tues funny - thoughts to ponder
A Few Zen Thoughts
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like night.
3. On the other hand, you also have four fingers and a thumb.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of politicians give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
9. Remember half the people you know are below average.
10. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
14. Support bacteria, they are the only culture some people have.
15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your week.
16. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
17. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
18. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
19. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade.
20. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
21. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
22. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
23. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
24. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
25. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
26. How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?
27. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
28. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
29. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
30. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
31. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
32. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
33. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
34. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
35. What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice?
36. I use to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
37. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
38. "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like night.
3. On the other hand, you also have four fingers and a thumb.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of politicians give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
9. Remember half the people you know are below average.
10. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
14. Support bacteria, they are the only culture some people have.
15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your week.
16. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
17. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
18. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
19. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade.
20. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
21. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
22. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
23. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
24. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
25. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
26. How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?
27. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
28. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
29. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
30. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
31. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
32. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
33. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
34. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
35. What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice?
36. I use to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
37. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
38. "A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
