Like Tree0Likes

a wee bit o humor

Reply
Old 01-31-2002, 12:18 AM
  #1
Registered
Thread Starter
 
mattyboy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: greenwood lake USA
Posts: 581
Post a wee bit o humor

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking
like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and
bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the
bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little ****, O'Conner," says Sean, "He
couldn't do that to you, he must have had something
in his hand.
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended
yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast,
and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
>> > > > > > > >
>> > > > > > > > +++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were
stumbling home from the pub late one night and found
themselves on the road which led past the old
graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a
fella that got to be 145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
>> > > > > > > >
>> > > > > > > > +++++++++++++++++++++++++++
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the
driver, "where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening".
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a
minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
>> > > > > > > >
>> > > > > > > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda.
There was an accident down at the Guinness
brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it
happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
>> > > > > > > >
>> > > > > > > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My usband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...

Mattyboy
mattyboy is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 01-31-2002, 02:17 AM
  #2
Charter Member #590
Charter Member
 
Laveyman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Corona, CA
My Boats: 1998/2005 Eliminator 33 Daytona Twin 950 HP
Posts: 515
Post

1/2
__________________
Laveyman is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 01-31-2002, 07:17 AM
  #3
Gold Member
Gold Member
 
Iggy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Kissimmee, Florida
My Boats: '88 Formula F-206 LS
Posts: 4,155
Post

Iggy is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 01-31-2002, 07:24 AM
  #4
Registered
 
nautigirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: GRAND RAPIDS, MI
My Boats: 1995 237 PQ Stryker
Posts: 380
Post

nautigirl is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 01-31-2002, 08:49 AM
  #5
Team Dysfunctional
Charter Member
 
Hot Boat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: PUTNAM VALLEY, Hudson River Valley
My Boats: 28 Scarab, Blown 850+ Hp
Posts: 1,419
Post

__________________
If it aint broke .... I can break it....
Hot Boat is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 01-31-2002, 09:10 AM
  #6
flylevel
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Post

 
Reply With Quote
Reply

Related Topics
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
rangerrick63
General Boating Discussion
19
12-22-2007 03:37 PM
Bottoms Up
General Boating Discussion
0
03-20-2007 07:13 AM
Ted G
General Boating Discussion
9
01-29-2002 09:42 AM



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:05 PM.


Copyright 2011 OffShoreOnly. All rights reserved.