Offshoreonly.com - Cigarette...

Thought I would dust this one off, it's a wonderful composition by my wife.

The paint has gotten much better so number one doesn't really apply any more, and remember it's a joke...

Top 10 Reasons for Buying a Fountain

1. I have absolutely no sense of personal style. It’s faster without all of that extra paint.

2. I plan to use the boat to commission a crime. With 30 other boats exactly like it on the lake on any given weekend, no one will know I did it!

3. I can’t afford a real offshore boat so instead, I’ll buy a Fountain and bash all of the other quality boats out there. Nobody will be the wiser for it, right?

4. Related to Number 3, I love Reggie’s easy-time payment plan. Just imagine, a $200,000 boat with a payment less than the monthly payment for my Kia! Did I tell you what a great boat it is and yours is a piece of crap.

5. Related to Number 4, I plan on inheriting money in the next five years so when plan to sell my Fountain, I have enough money to bring to closing. Oops, I thought it was supposed to go up in value, not depreciate by half? The other million people trying to sell their Fountains are finding the same problem. Must be a conspiracy started by Apache, Cigarette or Outlerlimits, eh?

6. I am follicly challenged. Did I tell you my hair migrated from the top of my head to my back because my Fountain is so fast?

7. I am vertically challenged. With no freeboard, no one can tell. (Note to self, don’t have tall girlfriend on the boat with me or the secret will be out I’m really 4’8” without lifts or clogs).

8. I prefer inland rivers as opposed to oceans or the Great Lakes, but will still call myself an offshore boater because, I’m off-shore watching the real boats running in the big water!

9. I was beat up in middle school.

10. If I buy a Fountain, I’ll be popular and Reggie will love me.