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Only in America

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Old 02-26-2002, 12:57 PM
  #1
OutlawBayB
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Default Only in America

1. Only in America...... can a pizza get to your
> > > > house faster than an ambulance.
> > > >
> > > > 2. Only in America...... are there handicap parking
> > > > places in front of a skating rink.
> > > >
> > > > 3. Only in America...... do drugstores make the sick
> > > > walk all the way to the back of the store to get
> > > > their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
> > > > cigarettes at the front.
> > > >
> > > > 4. Only in America...... do people order double
> > > > cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
> > > >
> > > > 5. Only in America...... do banks leave both doors
> > > > open and then chain the pens to the counters.
> > > >
> > > > 6. Only in America...... do we leave cars worth
> > > > thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
> > > > useless junk in the garage.
> > > >
> > > > 7. Only in America...... do we use answering
> > > > machines to screen calls and then have call waiting
> > > > so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want
> > > > to talk to in the first place.
> > > >
> > > > 8. Only in America...... do we buy hot dogs in
> > > > packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
> > > >
> > > > 9. Only in America...... do we use the word
> > > > 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli'
> > > > in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
> creatures'.
> > > >
> > > > 10. Only in America...... do they have drive-up ATM
> > > > machines with Braille lettering.
> > > >
> > > > EVER WONDER:
> > > >
> > > > Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
> > > >
> > > > Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth
> > > > closed?
> > > >
> > > > Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
> > > > Lottery"?
> > > >
> > > > Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
> > > >
> > > > Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click
> > > > on "Start"?
> > > >
> > > > Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and
> > > > dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
> > > >
> > > > Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
> > > > called rush hour?
> > > >
> > > > Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
> > > >
> > > > When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests
> > > > it?
> > > >
> > > > Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
> > > >
> > > > Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal
> > > > injections?
> > > >
> > > > Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
> > > >
> > > > Why are they called apartments when they are all
> > > > stuck together?
> > > >
> > > > If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport
> > > > the terminal?
 
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Old 02-26-2002, 01:02 PM
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I love: 'Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? ' I have two big fatties who would love mouse-flavored cat food . Yum!!
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Old 02-26-2002, 01:03 PM
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Old 02-26-2002, 01:06 PM
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diligaf
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There wasn't a single mention of a boat, or any boating activities.... This post should have been labled O.T. with a great big " WARNING " lable on it, and for that matter, this forum was not intended for such BANTER in the first place... HOW DARE YOU !!!
 
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Old 02-26-2002, 01:15 PM
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a couple more
why do our noses run and our feet smell?
we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
from george carlin's brain droppings
oops should have put a warning on this post you know George had the 7 words you can't say on TV, wouldn't want to hurt some one feelings if I hurt your feelings I'm sorry you should have left them home!

Mattyboy

Last edited by mattyboy; 02-26-2002 at 01:18 PM.
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Old 02-26-2002, 02:30 PM
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Those are great!
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Old 02-26-2002, 02:56 PM
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good one`s

mike
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Old 02-26-2002, 03:10 PM
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Only in America....
Do we have Super Walmart w/ a parking spot at the front door...that say..."Expectant Mother's Parking Only!!!"

(I thought of that one, myself) And ya' know what I say to that..."Who's to say, I didn't become pregnant last night!!)

If they have the energy to walk around Walmart...they have the energy to walk from all areas of the parking lot!!!

Tracy
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Old 02-26-2002, 03:12 PM
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How about but flavored catfood ala Gallagher.
Or for those cats that are'nt street wise breed them pre-flattened.

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Old 02-26-2002, 03:23 PM
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So if one would expect to have a child sometime within their life, the spot is all theirs, huh?

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