Help Ya"ll!!
 

OK, been seperated for over a year and divorced for one, have two boys, still love the Ex to death although she has a young kid in her pen!!, problem I have been drinking and drinking and drinking, I need to quit and am trying to but keep fooling myself, I actually have to STOP and wish I had friends here that do not or some support but I am not from here and it seems like you guys are my friends and family, any ideas or any of ya been through the same thing.

Thanks for any input, Marc

I wish I had some great solution to what you're going through. Went through a similar thing a long time ago. Thime heals most wounds. The best thing I did was put the past in the past and move on. I could do that a little easier than you, since we didn't have any kids and I didn't have to see her.
As far as going out and gettin hammered, it was an easy temporary solution, but didn't solve anything and had the potential to make life a lot worse. People do stupid chit when they get liquored up and usually regret things later. Alcohol is a depressant and will often make you feel worse.
Like I said, put the past in the past. The best way to get over an ex is to find new prospects. Good Luck.

Towelboy,

I think that you need to let you friends know that you HAVE TO stop drinking. Let them know that you have a problem and that you need some help from them. It may also help to not put yourself into those positions where it is easy for you to drink. There are a lot of other things you can do besides going out to bars and parties. If you really have tried these things and you can not control it, then you need to seek some professional help. Excessive uncontrolable drinking is a diesese and if you do not get it under control it can ruin your life, keep that in mind and that may help you get control back. Honestly, been there done that, that is how I know. I never got to the point of needing professional help, but believe you me I was close.:( GOOD LUCK

You've taken the first step, admitting you have a problem.
Now you need to seek professonal help and stay close to your friends. Ask them for help.
Find a hobby to keep you busy. Go and tear your boat apart and put it back together again. That'll keep you occupied and keep your mind off things.
Go join a health club. That way you can burn off your frustrations. Besides, after six months you'll look good and feel great.

Good luck and keep us posted.
We'll always be here to help.

My father just got out of treatment at a place called "The Ranch" in Palm Desert. It is an awesome place. Near Betty Ford, but MUCH less expensive. A great program!

We 'intervened' a couple of months ago and after 5 hours of information and many consequences laid out, he agreed. He has never been happier!!! Seems a filter was lifted from his character.

Contact me if you want more information. I'm sure my father would love to talk to you as well as I can tell you more about The Ranch. I would be very happy to help as I know what it has done for my family.

If you seriously have a problem, tell everyone (you just did that), enlist help! You can't do it yourself!

Please email me.

Chris Johnson
[email protected]

Hey Marc,

The guys have some good advice...wanting to help yourself and knowing you may have a problem is half the battle. You should definitely try to avoid social situations that require drinking. You may even have to look for a new set of friends. I was certainly on that road after a break up many many years ago and got myself into a bit of trouble in the meantime. What I found was that averything that was wrong in my life in that time was a direct result of drinking too much---crappy job, crappy car, crappy apartment, no meaningful relationship to speak of, bills out of control...it's a downward spiral. Sometimes it just takes time to sort itself out and and you come out of it. Sometimes you've got to take the bull by the horns and get yourself out of it. Set some goals for yourself and go after them. For me it was always about cars and boats and I knew that if I continued hanging out with the same losers, I would never have the things I really wanted in life...now, I still don't have that 38 Top Gun, but I'm on my way...I've got a great girlfriend, good paying job, a car that doesn't break down and a boat that is reliable and cool at the same time.

Hope this helps.

Sean

Start smoking pot.......;) ;) :cool: :cool:

It was during their separation and right around the divorse that I saw my dad try to run my mom down. I know that she's a difficult woman and that he had a temper, but this open up a whole new view of him that I will never be able to forget. I have never seen him drink again and I think that he's a much better man because of it.

This is one of the reasons that I elect not to drink. Some of the people around me know the other one. It's tough being in social situations where people almost expect you to drink. I've gotten many a comment or glance when I order a root beer instead of the real stuff. But I think that ultimatly people respect my decision not to drink and I've never heard a second comment or somebody try to force the issue.

Marc,
Went through similar cicumstances several years ago.All the ideas already given are dead on(except for the pot,didn't try that).Even though I'm sure you're sick of hearing it,time is the BEST healer.Most of all don't forget the 2 boys you mentioned,they need you more at this time than you'll ever imagine.For myself ,it was my 2 daughters that caused me to realize that I had to move on.
And in the end,it was my oldest daughter who got me the phone# for the woman I'm now happily married to!!!!
Steve

I know a lot of people get hung up on the social pressure to drink when at parties or bars. If having something in your hand is part of the issue, drink Red Bull. It's a cool, trendy drink no excuses necessary. And you'll be legal for the drive home. ;)

I was also in the same way when I got divorced. All I did was drink, I don't think I drew a sober breath for three years. It got so bad that one of my family members me Baker Acted. It is a bad road to go down, and one that is very hard to turn off. I finally almost drank myself to death, on a bender for two solid days, my blood pressure was down to hardly anything. That day got my attention. I saw what pain I was putting my mother and father through seeing me this way, and I decided that it was a chicken **** way for me to handle my problems by putting everyone else who cared about me through pain.
I decided to put my effort and time into starting my own business. I would work 7 days a week, and nights or whatever I could to make it work. That didn't leave much time for drinking. I got so I didn't want to drink, because I had to much to do the next day to handle it with a hangover. The more I worked at it, the more sucess I had, which gives you a good feeling about yourself. That was eight years ago, and I have never been happier. Now I have a sucessful business that I don't have to spend a lot of time at, my own house, 7 boats, 4 trucks, and a travel trailer. Keeping all them together consumes most my time now. A supportive woman helps too, but you will find you need to think enough of yourself to quit the juice before you find a good woman that will stand by your side. I can assure you that you won't find one in a bar.
Good luck, and don't think of all the drinks you aren't going to have, just don't drink the next one, that is the key.
I really can feel your pain, and it brings back not so good memories for me.

Congratulations for recognizing the problem. You are on the right track! Much of the advice listed above is excellent. I have lost TWO family members due to alcohol and have seen and experienced its devastating effects. I have only been drunk once in my life and all my friends totally respect the fact that I do not drink at all. If they didn't respect it they would not be my friends. I would be HAPPY to help you in ANYWAY I CAN. Please feel free to contact me at anytime if you need help or just someone to talk to.

Best wishes,

Shane

P.S. We here at OSO ARE your FRIENDS!

Hey Marc,

I was once engaged to a guy who was a terrific guy, hard worker, super funny and great looking. But his family was plagued with additions to chemicals, and after a few years in the Armed Services, he became a victim as well.

He was in a terrible accident - turned his car in front of a motorcycle. The other guy lived, but the legal battles he encountered (And judge making threats to send him to jail) were enough for him to seek help from AA. He had to stop hanging around anyone that drank because the urge was too much for him. That also meant he had to avoid his dad and his brothers when they were drinking -- which was all the time.

But he stuck with it. And for six months, life was absolutely beautiful. His friends sometimes chided him and taunted him to drink -- but he learned these weren't true friends and started making new friends at new places. Joined a club called "Ski Hawks" (a local club for weekly outings like car rallys, ski trips etc)

Shortly after our engagement, his father showed up one night and was in despair (his wife had left him - she couldnt take his drinking anymore) and he asked his son to "come have a drink at the bar with him". He did. Life was never the same again.
:(

Nothing I could do would get him to try to stop drinking again. He got to the point where he drank a case every night with his brother. Then he started the mornings off with a shot of vodka. I saw him spitting up blood one night and I just couldnt take it anymore. I was still very young. I decided to end the engagement and move on.

That was many years ago, and I don't know where he is or how he is doing. It's scares me everytime I think about him. I just pray he found a way out of that.

Marc -- I know the struggles you are going through, and these guys are right -- just being able to admit this is already one step to recovery. So many guys stay in denial their entire life, and their life flies on by while they stay hammered.

If you are into self help stuff, this guy's tapes were all it took for me to end a 13 year cigarette habit years ago. Helped me to gain control over nicotine:
Dr. Wayne Dyer
Choosing your own Greatness
http://www.drwaynedyer.com/audios/853a.cfm
Believe me, he's good! Check him out!

There are some really cool people on this board, and just hanging here is a nice way to get through a tough night. If you want anyone to chat with - you can always call on us!


Good luck to you, guy!!!!

:)

Hey Marc..... as you can clearly see YOU ARE NOT ALONE ! I also have been in the same sittuation. got sober and off of many other things quite a few yrs ago.. even made it through my divorce without falling back into my old habits..it wasn't easy... before cleaning myself up I really believed this was my destiny .. to be a drunk and an addict.. i knew no other way..i tried everything from geographic changes to new friends..some things helped for a bit but nothing really stuck for too long.... one day close to death .. as my sister actually noticed , i finally discoverd i did have a serious problem and i sought out some prof. help..i'm not saying that is what you should do as we are all different....A.A can be a failure for some... can be great for others...it does take time to figure out what works for you ....but do keep in mind as i am sure you have noticed... people do care and as many have said before me .. anything i can do to help.. just ask...after 13 yrs of sobriety i don't know it all... but i have figured out what works for me... just think THEY said i could never make it... i often wondered myself....

Actually, I took my dads problem pretty hard. I never went to an Alanon meeting, but spoke to everyone that would lend an ear. Even tho I wasn't the alcoholic, just talking to people helped me tremendously.

Everyone can relate in one way or another, i am also a single dad of a wonderful 4 yr old girl. I did get out of control, partying, drinking, running around with all of the wrong people. Most of them only wanted to use me for money, boat, and a party. What helped me straighten out was my daughter she became my hobby. Spend as much time with your kids as possible. I started with every other weekend now i have her ever other week. But i will say its a good thing that you admitted your problem like everyone said thats the FIRST STEP. My grandmother once told me "ive never seen someone sink so far that they couldnt float back up"(i liked it). GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

you can beat this this we will make sure GOOD LUCK;)

HI everyone and thanks for the support and advise and also the private messages, you all are what I thought you would be, FRIENDS, and it is great!!THANK YOU;), see I have been on here for quite some a while and checking everyones jokes and engine responses or other posts without really realising that I had consumed so much of what I call now "crack house" I mean Ice , that I sometimes scared myself and for what purpose!!donno, also as some of you mentioned all else goes to hell, like when can I drink again or how. Now when I have my boys I am a different guy but still think about it most of the time, And yes bills have gone to hell once or twice if not more, have always got to work though and been able to do my job, but I think and know I am better than that, there fore I am thankful to have you as my friends and family as you are, and also the fine friends I have on the Donzi.net site, thanks again to you all and I will give an update regularly to my friends.

Kindest Regards,
Sincerely,
Marc

p.s;at all times drunck or not my posts or responses "spelling" have got to have been better than PUDER!!

I stopped drinking 9 years ago. Unfortunately, no one can help you quit nor can anyone do the work for you. You need to look in the White Pages in your area and find the number for Alcoholics Anonymous and get to a meeting. Once there, find an old timer with years and years of good sobriety (it may not be an old person but will be someone) and ask that person to be your sponsor. Then, listen to what he tells you to do and work your program. If you work it, it will work for you.

Good luck. Not drinking is a great thing! PM me if you have any questions.