Friday Funnies II (PG-13)
05-10-2002, 02:07 PM
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Friday Funnies II (PG-13)
Poor bastard finds out that his wife was in a terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and yells that his wife's been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case and page the doctor. The doctor comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.
"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.
"Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?"
The doctor sits next to him and says, "I'm afraid it's not good news. Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."
"Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?"
"Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is
inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her."
Mr. Jones begins to sob.
"And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent
pneumonia and bedsores."
Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly.
"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll also have to diaper her, as she'll have no control over her bladder, and those diapers must be changed five times a day."
Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails.
The doctor continues: "And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she'll have no control over her sphincters. Her bowel will engorge quite often I'm afraid. Of course you must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent she'll be emitting."
Now Mr. Jones is convulsing, sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass.
Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm just f#&king with you, ....she's dead."
"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.
"Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?"
The doctor sits next to him and says, "I'm afraid it's not good news. Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."
"Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?"
"Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is
inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her."
Mr. Jones begins to sob.
"And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent
pneumonia and bedsores."
Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly.
"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll also have to diaper her, as she'll have no control over her bladder, and those diapers must be changed five times a day."
Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails.
The doctor continues: "And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she'll have no control over her sphincters. Her bowel will engorge quite often I'm afraid. Of course you must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent she'll be emitting."
Now Mr. Jones is convulsing, sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass.
Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm just f#&king with you, ....she's dead."
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