Cool Boater List - how do you rate
 

Here is a list that Waterfoul and I put together about three years ago for our local boat club (SEA100 in Holland Mich) most of you will ace this. but see how you rate, and add some more

it is in the context of male ego gear head kind of stuff.

THE COOL BOATER LIST

1. Should be at a minimum a weekend NASCAR fan.
2. Should know who won the last race, and where the next race is.
3. Cool flag displaying favorite sports team, NASCAR driver, alma mater, etc...
4. Must have some form of Carribean/tropical CD for cruising the channel, or just Bob Marley. No buffett i guess
5. MUST have cool stereo (Subs are a must) to play afformentioned tunes on.
6. Boat owner must have a tan (cannot be dutch pale white w/ beat red sunburn) .ie most Holland boaters on Memorial day!!!
7. Must have a stainless prop (+1 if polished, +1 if 4 blade, +1 if labbed, +1 if twins, -1 if bravo III's )
8. Must have opperable trim tabs
9. Must have depth gauge to keep from hitting the bottom with
stainless prop
10. Vessel must be Coast Gaurd legal
11. Cool poker run type vest pfd's must outnumber the less than cool orange pfd's
12. Boat owner should have at least one subscription to a Boating
magazine (or a buddy that has 3 subscriptions)
13. Trailer must be in good mechanical condition: Lights work, brakes work, BUNKS are in good shape, no roller trailers, etc...
14. Tow vehicle must be a truck or sport utility vehicle
15. Said vehicle must be a 4x4
16. Said vehicle must be clean when towing the boat (mudding is
allowed and encouraged when not towing the boat, ie 4x4 is necessary)
17. Boat must be clean and waxed
18. Must have a good anchor with lots of rode (not rope,
see #20)
19. VHF antenna CANNOT be vertical, must be angled aft, -10 for vertical antenna
20. Boat owner uses proper nautical terms: starbord, port, fore and aft, stern, bow, MPH (knots are for blow boters), rode, etc...one use of the word Rope while on the water - 20
21. Boat must have at least one V-8 motor
22. Thru-hull exhaust
24. Dead rise must be a minumum of 23 degrees
25. Boat must have a cool name displayed prominently
26. NO feminine names
27. Boat driver must(not necessarily the owner, who WILL) have a cool boating shirt
28. Boat should be equiped with cool towels to protect new or clean vinyl
29. MUST have cool shades to keep wind/bugs/bow spray out of drivers eyes
30. NO lines or fenders (Overtons calls them FENDERS) hanging while under way (qualifies as a safety item also)
31. Cool stickers are recomended
32. Tow vehicle will have a V-8 engine (if not your boat is not very cool, to small)
33. Tow vehicle should have a nice stereo to play cool tunes on while towing cool boat
34. If cool boat does not do at least 60 mph, get a cooler boat!
35. A cool boater puts boating ahead of doing yard work (unless it means sleeping on the couch or better half is pregnant)
36. Weather is irrelevent. Period!
37. Sea conditions are irrelevent (to a point of being safe)
38. Cooler must be full of cold beverages
39. Coolies for cans are a must
40. Power sun deck is impressive
41. GPS is cool
42. Must be able to get major air time launching off 3-5 ft swells without killing anyone on board. Scaring them to death is however, recomended.
43. Chicks on board is a must. If you have none, cruising for chicks is necessary.
44. Boating alone is allowed only under the following circumstances:
a. Trying to get an accurate top speed reading
b. You put in early before anyone else is out of work to get a slip at a busy marina.
c. You scared passengers wave jumping and they bailed out on
you (see #42)
45. A cool boater WILL tow his fellow cool boaters to gas/safety
46. A cool boater will NEVER let his fellow cool boater forget that he was on the wrong end of the tow rope (he may/will need help some
day)
47. A cool boater will dock his boat on the first try. Period. Wind
and sea conditions are irrelevent. Compensate or get out of
cool boating (buy a blow bote).
48. A cool boater does not carry on a conversation on VHF channel
16 or allow his children/passengers to do so (major pet peave)
49. A cool boater will know the weather forcast for the coming
weekend by Tuesday (see #36)
50. A cool boater will go NO WAKE around marinas and moored boats
51. A cool boater will obey the rules of boating when riding a
borrowed PWC (sea-doo) and not interfere with other cool
boaters
52. A cool boater will not let his friends/relatives buy a Bayliner
(AKA Bottomliner)
53. Cool boaters always observe the proper launch ramp etiquet:
a. Be prepared when you get there. It is easier to do in the driveway at home any way.
b. NEVER do boat repairs in the ramp unless it means you
are going to sink, or something as tragic
c. NEVER (and this is the biggest) pull you boat out and stop to do clean up in front of the ramp. You just pulled your truck/trailer out of a parking spot, go back there! Your in the Way! My friend Mike will kill you for this!

54. Hitch ball must be 2 5/16". If not, your boat is too small.

TRUE:D

Boy, I sure failed that one! Guess I'd better be going...

Well other then the first three, i aced that one! :D
Good one! :)

I think we have a new Constitution!!!! :D :D

Get this
Take all the ones you failed and put them all together and imagine what you would look like

16 ft bayliner with a vertical antenna and no thru hulls, with some girly name on it like wilma, playing a news radio station, wearing a gay shirt, no sunglasses and bugs in your teeth from running through the weeds cause you cant hang in the channel with no women or anyone on board, ghost white no tan, and your boat is filthy and dirty and not waxed and your FENDERS are hangin on all 4 corners and your boat still is all bashed up and your trying to get a hold of yer redneck wife on channel 16

LOL
Sorry could not resist

Actually what is worse than this is having a 10 thou pound paperweight in your driveway!!!!!!!!!
Jason

LMAO JASON!!!!!! :D :D :D :D

Jayl13,

Tooo funny. :D :D :D

I agree with Baja Daze, adopt as a new constitution.

I agree with Wally....I meet every cool boater standard but the first three.

That was pretty funny Jay......but you forgot one thing....The guy pulls his Bayliner with his 1982 Wood paneled station wagon (the family truckster -- Vacation)!!

hey, wait a minute I'm Irish, I'm a little sensitive about the size thingy:eek: no punn intended:p
with a 16' Donzi
i got the right answers to

21
22
24
34
43

so I guess I'm not cool:p

I'd rather be a dork than sell my boat:D :D :D

LMAO

It does bring back memories of my first boat...

18' bayliner, 125 eggbeater, aluminum prop trashed, who needed fenders? just bash it into anything.

But at least I would have got the first three right. ;)

I guess I am pretty damn cool!!:D :D

NASCAR fan......you have to be sh***ng me!

that's why here in West Michigan we are self proclaimed

sofistikatid rednecks :D

where else but west mich can you truly offshore boat in fresh water (not jumping boat wakes) , hunt deer, turkey, pheasant, etc on state land, snowmobile for over 200 miles of groomed trails, gamble, and drive within a morning to see a NASCAR race.

it's a great state.

Well, I passed it but I can't say I aced it. Gotta work on that 2 5/16 ball thing.

Suggestions:

7. +3 for forged 5 blade Herring

21. Or at least 2 outboards (trolling motors don't count)

32. Or a 6 cylinder inline diesel.

34. +1 for over 70, +2 for over 80, etc.

Knowing why NOBODY is EVER allowed to have a open can in the boat. +3 pts

(See 42 you need a hint)

That is GREAT, but I hope it's kinda like a college calculus Exam and graded on a curve. Other wise I'm only about 51% cool! LOL Can I get extra credit on # 32 for having a V-10. Later
Chuck

Boat has "KILL SWITCH" and DRIVER uses it. :cool: Doug

Hey I resemble some of those !!!:D


Do you guys over there just give Waterfoul some slack for number 34 ?

Just kidding Mike !

One to add...

No glass beer bottles are allowed on a cool boaters boat. Cuervo, Captain Morgan, and Jack are exceptions to the no glass rule...

I agree with everything but the NASCAR,,,, go fast turn left dont do it for me.:D :D :D

Is number 27 optional when my girlfreind is running the boat?:D

BTW, I almost always were Hawiian shirts on the boat. You can unbutton them to stay cool (literaly) and still not get your back burned up. Also, I figure the loud colors will make me easier to spot in case I make an unscheduled exit from a moving boat!:eek:

Oh man, someone pick me up. I'm going to make a steel sign version for our ramp!

Hmmm. Hawiian shirts... with flames to match my babes suit! Maybe not.

Bill272, Forgot Maker's Mark. Smoothest e-licksher ever made! Great ceeegars too.

Scott

Haven't tried Makers Mark...yet. But I do have to go along with the remarks about dropping the Nascar crap. Weekend Nascar fan at minimum?? Last I checked, weekends are for the water. If I have to sit in front of a TV watching good ol' boys drive in circles on one of the two days I don't have to work, I guess I'll never be cool. And that's cool with me.

Everything else is on the money.

I agree with the Maker's Mark also. That is one smoothe bourbon!:)

Oh! I forgot about the Nascar CRAP. Sorry Rambunctious.

They stole powerboating from my satalite. And that's the only reason I got the damn thing. I don't do ball either. Boating and speed - that "I" can enjoy are my sports! :mad:

Eh, maybe burning a little black powder from my flintlock too. Hey, us jarheads just can't go without shooting something. :rolleyes:

Ok, off soapbox now. Maybe a sip or two of "Drambuie" to calm me down.

Scott

Now this is cool.
I must be a "cool boater".

On a possible top score of 100 (each question being worth 1.851851 points) I rate a 88.888894. I guess that's cool eough. :D

1. You bet
2. I'm not that big a follower
3. If you count the American flag, ok
4. If Buffet is ok then I'm good
5-10. Got'em all
11. I only have two ski vests besides the regular PFD's
12-18. Got them too
14. F-250
15. That too
16. I wouldn't dare show up at the ramp with a mud covered
truck, that's for rednecks
17-18. Ok
19. My Bimini top won't let it go up any further
20. If you can't speak "boat" you don't belong on the water
21. Yeah
22. If you count the Silent Thunder system as "thru-hull", ok
23. There is no question #23
24. You bet
25. Name not applied to hull
26-28. got'em
29. I wear glasses, no shades available
30-33. Ok
34. It's close, 58+ on GPS
35-41. Good too
42. Don't see too many waves like that on a mid size lake
43. Does the wife count? It better (she says)
44. Wife says "if you take the boat out, I go too!", yes dear :rolleyes:
45-46. Absolutely, you never know when you may need assistance
47. If I can't look like a pro when I pull up to the dock, sometings wrong
48. Channel 16 is for emergency use only!!!
49. I always know what the weather is/will be
50. Is there any other speed?
51. I always follow the rules. Hell, I own two of the damn things
52. None of our friends own one of those
53. I hate that kind of people, I always clear the ramp when I'm done
54. Sorry guys, mine's too small ;)

Hey 26 Scarab, # 23 (which is missing) read:

When your tripple axle trailer with a 26 foot boat on it eats a set of bearings on one wheel, you remove that wheel, launch the boat, and get it fixed later. You DO NOT continue down the road and eat the spindle as well!!!!!!

Just kidding Chuck. Sorry to hear about your woes. Looked for you on the water, but didn't see you.

Mike you got no room to rass anyone you sucked a ride off Jafo all weekend!!!!does that make you Jafo's boat *****?????just busting your chops better get wrenching.

How about these for those of us who don't trailer:

Boat should be stored indoors, or at least under cover.
+1 for boathouse or slip with slings or hydrohoist.
-10 for bottom paint.
+1 for locked garage or completely indoor dry stack facility.
+1 for getting your marina to customize the rack bunks and/or forklift for your step hull.
+1 for cool dock box with boat name/manufacturer or racing stickers.
+10 for converting your covered dock at the marina into a party pad. (That's for some friends of mine down here who have actually done that. We had a Super Bowl party at the marina!)

All good but NASWHO?? Round and round in circles does not excite me.
What about twin blown V-6's?? Does that compensate for a single V8??

blown v6's, ok, it'll do. +1 :D must sound pretty cool.

as far as NASCAR. if you haven't stood next to the fence 2 feet from the track at the start of the race when 42 cars literally blow your Chevy hat off as they pass you at 190+. you haven't lived. The shock wave is undescribable. I love to take first timers down there and not tell them what's about to happen, they jump out of their shorts:eek: We will be at the Michigan Race this Sunday for the Michigan 500, deep frying a cajun injected Turkey and drinking some Canadian Beer.

My cousin, Tim Steel, runs the ARCA series. they run on Saturdays with almost identical cars. last time I was at the race shop. he had 9 cars race ready,two in the race hauler, and 7 spare engines on the bench, and a tool box on 4 wheels that outweighed the car. It had a 500 watt stereo!!!!:cool:

keep the additional ideas coming, THE'RE GREAT!! Mike (waterfoul) and I will tabulate them .

Hey Mike ,
We stopped in GR for a pitstop on the way and everthing was fine... but when we got to Holland it was all bad. I'm a little pissed because I should have noticed it, maybe if it was daylite out I would have seen it smoking.
Also if we wouldn't have arranged to have it fixed Saturday we would still be there right now !!! No one works on Sundays over there !!
The last words from the person that we borrowed the trailer from was " everything should be fine, I had it all checked out"
Here's what was wrong with the trailer:
Replaced both spindles (the one we messed up and and one that was already messed up)
Repacked and tightend the rest of them.
Brakes weren't working so good either.
I did see JAFO's boat out on the water. I waved , we were in the 31 Scarab that had purple ,red and yellow graphics.


Hey Rob,
I thought all REAL race cars are from Europe ? Formula one and FIA rally .:D
Just kidding , I do like the BIG tracks , Theres nothing like seeing a traffic jam moving at 190 !!

+ 10 for a 100mph boat
- 10 for lying about your top speed
Gary

Trailer must have some sort of mag wheels, plus 1 for aluminum.
Plus 1 for trailer matching boat, plus 5 for truck matching boat and trailer............I actually did very well, and I love Winston Cup!!!..............Doug.

Okay, I was a little bored so I thought I'd have some fun!!!

1) Fail - The NASCAR thing doesn't do it for me either. I have to admit it is a lot better in person than on TV but it's still a "redneck roundy-round".
2) Pass - I know the results of the last APBA race and where the next one is
3) Fail - If you have any type of NASCAR flag(or sticker) then I am sorry but you're a redneck, and there is no such thing as a "cool redneck", that's an oxymoron! :D
4) Fail - Usually jammin to some Disturbed, Powerman, Zombie, etc
5) Pass - Sony Xplod everything - CD head unit, 10 disc changer, 4 6 1/2 3-way speakers, 880 watt 5 channel amp and a 10" sub.
6) Pass - I am ALWAYS tan
7) Pass - Not one, but two POLISHED STAINLESS BLACKHAWK PROPS. Bonus points?
8) Pass
9) Fail
10) Pass
11) Fail - Sorry, those little orange ones are cheap!
12) Pass
13) Pass
14,15,16) Pass - 2000 Chevy Silverado Z71
17) Pass - ALWAYS
18) Pass/Fail - I have a very good anchor but it has a lot of ROPE on it. What the hell is rode? :D
19) Fail - I don't need VHF channels, I have cable! :D
20) Fail - I know them (except rode)but don't use them. Chicks think you're a anal dork when you start talking like that. At least cool, hot chicks do!
21) Pass
22) Pass
23) ? Pass ?
24) Pass
25) Pass
26) Pass
27) Fail - How the hell do you get tan with a shirt on?
28) Pass - Well, I think. What's the definition of a "cool" towel?
29) Pass - Well, once again I think I do. I have a sweet set of polarized metals with blue lenses? If by cool you mean Oakleys then I fail. Oakleys are for watching NASCAR!
30) Pass
31) Pass
32) Pass - 5300 V-8 with 4.10 ratios
33) Pass - Rockford Fosgate amp, Polk 4x6's and 6 1/2's, two Pioneer 8" sub boxes
34) Pass - 75 mph all day long
35) Pass - Sleeping on the couch over boating? :confused:
36) Fail - Okay, I'd rather sleep on the couch than go boating in 50* rainy weather
37) Pass
38) Pass - A big pass!!!
39) Pass - I have about 14 coolie cups onboard at all times
40) Pass - Does opening it up with my powerful bicep count? :D
41) Pass
42) Pass
43) Pass - Well, usually, unless I scared all of them! :D
44) Pass
45) Pass - ALWAYS
46) Pass - I think. The wording on that one confused me a little. :confused:
47) Pass - Usually
48) Fail - I didn't know you can talk on VHF! Back when I was young and my parents didn't have cable we couldn't talk on the VHF channels! :D
49) Fail - Why bother, they are always wrong!
50) Pass
51) Pass
52) Pass
53) Pass - A BIG PASS. Morons at the launch make me very, very angry!
54) Fail - Oh well, I'd rather have a 22' boat that does 75 than a 30' boat that does 60! :D

well......how do you rate today?????:D :drink:

Damn, there's a resurection of an old thread!

Sweet! Great list!

Hang on a second......thats almost every boat in Europe :(