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OT You might be a Redneck Super hero IF

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Old 09-25-2002, 04:47 PM
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Default OT You might be a Redneck Super hero IF

If your costume includes denim overalls…
If your “secret weapon” against crime is a double-barreled, sawed-off shotgun…
If you use your X-Ray Vision to hunt possum…
If your cape has gravy stains from being used as a bib…
If your thirteen year-old niece is your sidekick and your love-interest…
If your arch-nemesis is named “Mr. Toothless”…
If any part of how you maintain your secret identity is bathing…
If any part of your suit of “hi-tech armor” comes from a moonshine still…
If your “secret base” is a double-wide with camouflage netting…
If your battle-cry is “Git ‘im!”…
If your canine side-kick only has three legs…
If you got your super-powers from radioactive chewing tobacco…
If the insignia on your chest is either a Confederate flag or a velvet painting of Elvis…
If you list “High School Diploma” as one of your super-powers…
If on a regular basis you fight any crime having anything to do with cattle…
If your Fortress of Solitude is guarded by under-fed pit-bulls…
If you lose your powers from prolonged exposure to soap…
If the signal used to call for your help is trailer-truck horn…
If your crime-fighting-mobile is currently up on blocks…


... then you might be a red-neck super-hero!
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Old 09-25-2002, 04:54 PM
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Old 09-25-2002, 06:08 PM
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You might be a redneck if....
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all
watch this! "
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia boss.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it
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