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If Santa Answered His mail Honestly

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Old 11-15-2002, 01:00 PM
  #1
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Talking If Santa Answered His mail Honestly

If Santa answered his mail honestly...
>
> >
> > Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur
> > fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
> > Yer Frend,
> > BiLLy
> >
> > Dear Billy,
> > Nice spelling. You're on your way to a
> > career in lawn care. How about I send you a
> >f....... book so you can learn to read and
> write?
> > I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.
> > At least HE can spell!
> > Santa
> >
> > -----
> > Dear Santa,
> > I have been a good girl all year, and
> > the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in
> >the world for everybody!
> > Love,
> > Sarah
> >
> > Dear Sarah,
> > Your parents smoked pot when they had
> > you, didn't they?
> > Santa
> >
> > -----
> > Dear Santa,
> > I don't know if you can do this, but
> > for Christmas, I'd like
> > for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
> > Please see what you can do.
> > Love,
> > Teddy
> >
> > Dear Teddy,
> > Look, your dad's banging the babysitter
> > like a screen door
> > in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give
> > that up to come back to to come back to
> > your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly?
> > It's time to give up that
> > dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
> > Santa
> >
> > -----
> > Dear Santa, want a new bike, a Playstation, a
> > train, some G.I. Joes, a
> > dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
> > Love,
> > Francis
> >
> > Dear Francis,
> > Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet
> > you're retarded.
> > Santa
> >
> > -----
> > Dear Santa,
> > I left milk and cookies for you under
> > the tree, and I left
> > carrots for your reindeer outside the back
> > door.
> > Love,
> > Susan
> >
> > Dear Susan,
> > Milk gives me the runs and carrots
> > make the deer fart in my
> > face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do
> > me a favour? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
> > Santa
> >
> > -----
> > Dear Santa,
> > What do you do the other 364 days of
> > the year? Are you busy
> > making toys?
> > Your friend,
> > Thomas
> >
> > Dear Thomas,
> > All the toys are made in China. I
> > have a condo in Vegas,
> > where I spend most of my time making low-budget
> > porno films. I unwind by
> > drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses
> > of cocktail waitresses
> > while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you
> > wanted to know.
> > Santa
> >
> > -----
> > Dear Santa,
> > Do you see us when we're sleeping, do
> > you really know when we're awake, like in the
> > song?
> > Love,
> > Jessica
> >
> > Dear Jessica,
> > Are you really that gullible? Good
> > luck in whatever you
> > do. I'm skipping your house.
> > Santa
> >
> > -----
> > Dear Santa,
> > I really really want a puppy this year.
> > Please please please
> > PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
> > Timmy
> >
> > Timmy,
> > That whiney begging **** may work with your
> > folks, but that crap
> > doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater
> > again.
> > Santa
> >
> > -----
> > Dearest Santa,
> > We don't have a chimney in our
> > house, how do you get into
> > our home?
> > Love,
> > Marky
> >
> > Mark,
> > First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's
> > why you're getting
> > your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't
> > live in a house, you live
> > in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get
> > your pad just like
> > all the burglars do, through your bedroom
> > window.
> > Sweet Dreams,
> > Santa
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Old 11-15-2002, 01:14 PM
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Default Re: If Santa Answered His mail Honestly

> >
> > -----
> > Dearest Santa,
> > We don't have a chimney in our
> > house, how do you get into
> > our home?
> > Love,
> > Marky
> >
> > Mark,
> > First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's
> > why you're getting
> > your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't
> > live in a house, you live
> > in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get
> > your pad just like
> > all the burglars do, through your bedroom
> > window.
> > Sweet Dreams,


Good one Marky
> > Santa [/B][/QUOTE]
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Old 11-15-2002, 01:23 PM
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Old 11-15-2002, 01:26 PM
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Ya forgot one.

Dear Santa,

For x-Mas I would like a Lip Ship edition 46ft. Cigarette Rough Rider.
I have been a good boy and trust that you will bring me one
Tony.
<
<
<
Tony,
Its too friggin cold in the north pole to build boats, I employ stupid a$$ elves who are barely competent enough to make toys out of wood, let alone build speed boats,
WTF do I look like Donald Trump? Buy your own [email protected] boat
Love Santa
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Old 11-15-2002, 11:40 PM
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one more........

Dear Santa,

For Christmas this year I want a Bayliner.

Santa,

You are obviuosly coming off a 4 day heroin bender, write back after the activated charcol kicks in and you are not drooling on yourself like a lubed up goat at a Kentucky family reunion.
 
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Old 11-15-2002, 11:49 PM
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> > Dear Santa,
> > I have been a good girl all year, and
> > the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in
> >the world for everybody!
> > Love,
> > Sarah
> >
> > Dear Sarah,
> > Your parents smoked pot when they had
> > you, didn't they?
> > Santa

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Old 11-17-2002, 03:15 PM
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Old 11-17-2002, 03:25 PM
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Old 11-17-2002, 04:33 PM
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I needed a good laugh.......
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Old 11-17-2002, 06:03 PM
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LMAO
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