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OT: Does Santa Claus exist? Empircal evidence...

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Old 12-12-2002, 11:27 AM
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Default OT: Does Santa Claus exist? Empircal evidence...

Old but good!

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SANTA CLAUS: AN ENGINEER'S PERSPECTIVE

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house.

If we assume that these 108 million stops are evenly distributed geographically around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, for a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - roughly 3,000 times the speed of sound.

For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) perhaps 30 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting the reindeer or Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull perhaps ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them - Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the total mass, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would each absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo resembling the proverbial “bowl full of jelly”.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Merry Christmas.
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Old 12-12-2002, 12:32 PM
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Non "ENGINEER'S PERSPECTIVE"

Chong, "Wow man, how's he do that, man?"

Cheech, "Dude, he has magic dust, man! A little bit for the raindeers, a little bit for Santa - a little more for Santa...."


Merry Christmas
 
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Old 12-12-2002, 12:49 PM
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The math is flawed:

"or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes"

They didn't count adults, and so with 3.5 children and 1.65 adults for a total of 5.15 people per household there would be 73.4 million homes.

"presuming that there is at least one good child in each"

bad presumption even if only 1 child in 10 is bad the chances of all 3.5 children in one household being bad is still about 1 in 50, making 71.9 million not to mention the fact that bad children are often the result of environment and so the chnce of clustering is even greater.

Finally proof was obviously done by a "bad engineer" making it 71,899,999 as Santa obviously won't be visiting their house

 
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Old 12-12-2002, 01:45 PM
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I think I first got this message over 10 years ago, and I keep a copy on whatever PC I happen to have at the moment. One of these days I'll devote some time to updating the numbers - yeah, right! More likely I'll be screwing around on OSO!
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Old 12-12-2002, 02:16 PM
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I'm sorry Dockrocker, but your conclusions are based on invalid data. You are still stuck in Neutonian math where as Einstein's theories provide the obvious answer.

Shortly after the Second World War, German scientist began working at "Area 51" on the Space ANd Time Actuator or SANTA. This devise is able to change the space/time continuium to suit the users needs.

However, before it could be turned over to the military, it was stolen by the Eight Little Flyers gang (ELFs) and their leader, Nick Saint. Nick went on the FBI's "most wanted list" as Saint, Nick and his ELFs.

Nick escaped with the SANTA device to the North Pole where he uses it to "cloak" his hideout. For his revenge against the people that seek him, he decided to spoil their children. He decided to give the children lots of presents so that they would become spoiled brats.

He used the SANTA device to slowdown time so that he could do this in one night. It was so successful that he decided to increase his terror to the millions of households that you hear about today.

Embarrased by their failure, the FBI created the myth of Santa and his eight flying Reindeer. So, as you can clearly see, this is just another government screw-up and cover-up.


Last edited by Clay Washington; 12-12-2002 at 02:23 PM.
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Old 12-12-2002, 07:50 PM
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Cat, you go to an Atheist church? Why? I didn't realize there was such a thing as an Atheist church. Or is it just a tax dodge?
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Old 12-12-2002, 09:22 PM
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all I have been asking that cheep old bastard for years is a new Robinson r-22 and still NOTHING
 
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Old 12-13-2002, 12:29 PM
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R-22 is a small two seat helicopter produced in Torrance California - SoCal.

Packin, are you a pilot? In a former life, I was an instructor pilot (fixed wing) at the FBO in Long Beach Ca that was the first Robinson dealer. Drove the first production model in 1979 or 1980. My boss was one of the test pilots during certification.

Trivia question - which was the first helicopter to get FAA certification without killing someone in the process?
 
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