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OT:Santa Cancels Christmas

Old 12-19-2002, 03:16 AM
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Default OT:Santa Cancels Christmas

T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed
He cussed at the elves and threw down his list
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have good mind to scrap the whole works

I've busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear
The old lady *****es cause I work late at night
The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those *******s from IRS sent me a letter

They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money
And the kids these days - they all are the pits
They want the impossible ...Those mean little ****s

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them
They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!

If you think that's bad...just picture this
Try holding those brats...with their pants full of piss
They pull on my nose - they grab at my beard
And if I don't smile..the parents think I'm weird

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment
There's no Christmas this you know the reason
I found me a big titted blonde and I'm going SOUTH for the season!!
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Old 12-19-2002, 10:11 AM
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Old 12-19-2002, 10:13 AM
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yeehaa... sounds like my kind of guy! hahaa
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Old 12-19-2002, 10:21 AM
Uncle Toys
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Nope, sorry, I like Tanks better.

T'was the night before christmas...OSO style (Post #1)

I think it's about that time.....Might as well make this an anual thing Enjoy!

Twas the night before christmas
all through out the OSO board
All the members were lerking
a big happy OSO hoard

Members were post hoaring
typing of this and that
hunkering down in their chairs
for a nice OSO chat.

As I sat in my seat
I heard this big rumble
I thought to myself
"what the hell is that??" in a grumble

I walked to the window
and what I did see
made my jaw drop
for surely it couldn't be.

What I saw made me run
as fast as I possibly could
out through the front door
into the neighborhood

For there in the street
was a big 'ol red sleigh
but what was in tow
made me say, "No f*ckin way!!"

The big jolly man
sitting up in the seat
he turned to me winked,
and jumped down to his feet.

"Well what do you think
on this fine christmas eve?
Should I drop it right here?"
as he rolled up his sleave.

He pointed to
the rear of his ride
is that a tripple axle trailer?
excitement I could not hide.

I can tell you this much
as I looked the trailer front to back
a fine candy paint job
custom rims and in fact,

This had to be
the nicest trailer I've seen!
But it was what was on top
If you know what I mean!!

At this point santa said,
"Was it a cat or a vee?
the writing in your list,
was to sloppy to see."

I said in stunned words
a 42 vee bottom
He threw something
I looked up in time and caught em.

two Cigarette keys
I looked back at the boat
It was just as I pictured
Just like I wrote.

An awsome thing sat there
a beutiful boat
man I cant wait
to get this a float!

Santa ran down the list
Blower scoops, gafrig gauges, blower motors,
number 6 drives, custom paint,
It even has those cool Cig key floaters.

St. Nick looked at me
then said, something smart,
"Heres a gas card,
you'll need some for it to start."

I looked at santa
and said, "You're the best!"
He put a hand on my shoulder
and said know to the rest

Your OSO buddies
have been requesting the same type of stuff
He jumped to his sleigh
with a little bit of huff.

I've got lots of deliveries
lots of trips to my boat shop
OSO is world wide
Alot of area's to stop!

The reindeer will be pulling
extra hours tonight
pulling these big boats
Makes for a rough flight.

he said enjoy that new cig
I sure enjoy mine
throttles wide open
I've been known to get a fine.

Before he left on his way
into the big night sky
He said, "make sure you post this,
I can read my laptop on the fly!"

But wait till the morning
Dont want to ruin the supprise
I shoule start taking pictures
of the look from you guys!

I could post them on the board
there on OSO
That would be akick
OH look at the time I must go.

As he took flight in his sleigh
He yelled down and said to me
Last year I got OSO stickers
This year a shirt would be good for free!!

I'll see you on OSO
I lurk when Im in flight
Merry christmas to all
and to all a good night!!

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Old 12-19-2002, 10:52 AM
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Default Re: OT:Santa Cancels Christmas

Originally posted by Cgarrett

Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
Its DONDER not Donner !

Donder and Blitzen,,, (Thunder and lightning)

daahhhner is how texans who can't pronounce a complex phonetic word like Donder say it

Henry Livingston named him Donder in the original 1773 Poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" , popularly known as 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, published anonymusly by the Troy sentinal in 1823 and later Plagerized in his book of poems in 1844 by Clement C. Moore who tried to take credit for it.

Gene Autry ( a texan wouldn't you know it ) mispronounced it in the 1950's song Rudolph the Red nose reindeer causing the common confusion
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Old 12-19-2002, 11:01 AM
Uncle Toys
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There you go. That's some nice Christmas trivia (except for the part slamming the Texans.)
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Old 12-19-2002, 11:06 AM
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I believe, I believe........Please bring me a new Cigarette too!

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Old 12-19-2002, 11:33 AM
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Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy horsepower. And I've never seen a sad person hauling a$$!
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Old 12-19-2002, 12:43 PM
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Originally posted by Uncle Toys
(except for the part slamming the Texans.)

Would it help if I said Gene Autry altho born in Texas considered himself an Oaklahoman
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Old 12-19-2002, 07:43 PM
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Check out what Wally posted and after it plays click on some of the other episodes.

I laugh and learn thanks to you guys.

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