Like Tree0Likes

Twas the Night Before Christmas(PG-13?)

Reply
Old 12-19-2002, 11:13 AM
  #1
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Thread Starter
 
CigDaze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
My Boats: Cigarette 35 Cafe Racer
Posts: 21,346
Twas the Night Before Christmas(PG-13?)

Twas the night before Christmas, and Geez, it was neat
The kids were both gone, and the wife was in heat.

The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite.
And he yelled at his team, but it didn't sound right.

Whoa $hithead, whoa *******, whoa Stupid,whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, cause I gotta pee.

They cleared the old lamppost, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.

"That was some Brothel," he said with a smile
The reindeer are pooped,I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, poured himself a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in my sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone,some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, and a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.

A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.

This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs Claus will ****,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a ***** !"

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
The best thing about sex is that it never wears out !!!!!!!!


!!!MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

CigDaze is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2002, 11:22 AM
  #2
Registered
 
Aqua-Holic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Delaware, Ohio
My Boats: Nada at the present time
Posts: 525
Default

Daze,
It's been a long time since I laughed out loud at work over a post, but holy crap this is good!



Aqua
Aqua-Holic is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2002, 11:24 AM
  #3
Registered
Gold Member
 
DoTheMath's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Ma. / Lake Winni., NH
Posts: 1,803
Default

- Awesome!
DoTheMath is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2002, 12:31 PM
  #4
Registered
 
Chris288's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: NY
My Boats: 2005 288 SUNSATION
Posts: 4,124
Default

Good stuff my-man !!
Chris288 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2002, 01:27 PM
  #5
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Thread Starter
 
CigDaze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
My Boats: Cigarette 35 Cafe Racer
Posts: 21,346
Default

One of my favorites! LOL!
CigDaze is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2002, 01:32 PM
  #6
Registered
 
seanclong's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Chesapeake Bay
Posts: 798
Default

Nice work!!!! LOL!!!!
seanclong is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2002, 01:47 PM
  #7
Registered
 
Shane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Niskayuna, NY
My Boats: 2009 FORMULA 292
Posts: 5,543
Default

LMAO!
Shane is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2002, 01:50 PM
  #8
Registered
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Chesaning, Mi
My Boats: 1997 225 BR Crownline.............
Posts: 152
Default

I Have Not Been To A Movie In Long Time But, This Sould Be Rated XXXXX....


Jeff
neu-rich is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2002, 01:52 PM
  #9
Charter Member #319
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Pennsville NJ.
Posts: 3,974
Default

bajabob38 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2002, 01:53 PM
  #10
Registered
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Warrington, PA
My Boats: 88 IMP Eleganza
Posts: 140
Default

thats awesome
RCM255 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Reply

Related Topics
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
martiniboat
General Boating Discussion
0
12-24-2004 03:57 PM
boatme
General Boating Discussion
15
12-26-2003 09:51 PM
NASTY HABIT
General Boating Discussion
1
12-23-2003 11:32 PM
CigDaze
General Boating Discussion
14
12-22-2003 01:27 PM



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:50 AM.


Copyright 2011 OffShoreOnly. All rights reserved.