View Poll Results: What should i do about my ex?
Try to be friends with her and stay the current course
34
37.78%
Tell her to get the hell out of my life for good
38
42.22%
OTHER????
18
20.00%
Voters: 90. You may not vote on this poll
women advice???
12-31-2002, 11:40 AM
#21
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You do what you want... whatever makes you happy. You should be respectful no matter because its a reflection of you.
On one week...off the next, it dont matter. Just be respectful with you both knowing where things stand.
If its meant to be again...it will happen.
Best of luck to ya
On one week...off the next, it dont matter. Just be respectful with you both knowing where things stand.
If its meant to be again...it will happen.
Best of luck to ya
12-31-2002, 11:42 AM
#22
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Just type her a message, by the time she translates it you'll have it all figured out. 
I've been in this situation once and it didn't end very well. It was new years too. She was way too into the bar scene, every night. I tried to hang on but she was sleeping around. I was a fool. If you can control those emotions being friends might be a good way to test the waters. You'll be able to find out if she has really changed or not. Just don't lead her on and don't sleep with her, yet. Also don't go out of your way for her, we don't want her to be the puppet master. You should be able to tell within a few weeks if you guys still click. You'll also know if she was sincere about making a mistake and the bar life wasn't really for her. This would be the approach I would take, carefully.
If you can't control those emotions, then you need to decide if you want to take the chance of getting burned or not. Then you need to decide from there. If you decide it's really over then tell her that you can't see her anymore. Just be nice then in a short time you'll be friends since you didn't burn the bridge.
I've been in this situation once and it didn't end very well. It was new years too. She was way too into the bar scene, every night. I tried to hang on but she was sleeping around. I was a fool. If you can control those emotions being friends might be a good way to test the waters. You'll be able to find out if she has really changed or not. Just don't lead her on and don't sleep with her, yet. Also don't go out of your way for her, we don't want her to be the puppet master. You should be able to tell within a few weeks if you guys still click. You'll also know if she was sincere about making a mistake and the bar life wasn't really for her. This would be the approach I would take, carefully.
If you can't control those emotions, then you need to decide if you want to take the chance of getting burned or not. Then you need to decide from there. If you decide it's really over then tell her that you can't see her anymore. Just be nice then in a short time you'll be friends since you didn't burn the bridge.
12-31-2002, 11:49 AM
#23
Dang Phantom that was pretty deep
Puder
I am in the same stituation as you but my x cheated on me with the UPS man. She has been doing the same thing as your x has been doing to you with the calling and everything. I was with this girl for almost three years and when she did this it crushed me. I have become her friend because we shared so much thats its hard to give that up and plus I guess in a small way it makes me feel better to see her hurt. I know thats not right but we all do that. The point of my story is that its never easy to give up on something and its even harder when you share so much. Be her friend and see where it goes. Try not to be close minded because if you are then that means that you are holding back and well you never held back with her before. Do you understand what I am saying? Its hard but like they say if its meant to be then it will work. Good Luck with everything.
Puder
I am in the same stituation as you but my x cheated on me with the UPS man. She has been doing the same thing as your x has been doing to you with the calling and everything. I was with this girl for almost three years and when she did this it crushed me. I have become her friend because we shared so much thats its hard to give that up and plus I guess in a small way it makes me feel better to see her hurt. I know thats not right but we all do that. The point of my story is that its never easy to give up on something and its even harder when you share so much. Be her friend and see where it goes. Try not to be close minded because if you are then that means that you are holding back and well you never held back with her before. Do you understand what I am saying? Its hard but like they say if its meant to be then it will work. Good Luck with everything.
12-31-2002, 11:58 AM
#24
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I almost always try to remain friends with the X's ........nothing like playing hide and seek in familiar territory. you'll figure it out..as we all do ...as far as the cheating ones go , if I get cheated on again I think I'll just become a swinger..then it won't matter....good luck dude....
12-31-2002, 12:00 PM
#25
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There is some very good advice here.
However, one thing not mentioned that bears some thought: This is the holiday season. She just moved to a large, porbably somewhat impersonal city in which her new found buddies aren't really what they seemed to be. Gee, who would have thought?
OK, she is bored with her life, lonely and disheartened by the whole scene. She starts calling you. Gee, I wonder why? Is it because she truly loves you and realizes you have been the only TRUE friend in her life? Or is it because she is bored and lonely. Only you can answer that one.
Just look at the situation with your eyes wide open!!
Oh, and IMHO, ex's as friends will not work long term, but you can always leave on good terms and make yourself less and less available.
After several trials and tribulations I have found one thing to be true: Always pursue a long term relationship with someone you TRULY LIKE!! Sounds simple. Not so, grasshopper! It is easy to find someone you love, finding someone you really like till the day you die is the tricky part!! Took me three tries!!
However, one thing not mentioned that bears some thought: This is the holiday season. She just moved to a large, porbably somewhat impersonal city in which her new found buddies aren't really what they seemed to be. Gee, who would have thought?
OK, she is bored with her life, lonely and disheartened by the whole scene. She starts calling you. Gee, I wonder why? Is it because she truly loves you and realizes you have been the only TRUE friend in her life? Or is it because she is bored and lonely. Only you can answer that one.Just look at the situation with your eyes wide open!!
Oh, and IMHO, ex's as friends will not work long term, but you can always leave on good terms and make yourself less and less available.
After several trials and tribulations
I have found one thing to be true: Always pursue a long term relationship with someone you TRULY LIKE!! Sounds simple. Not so, grasshopper! It is easy to find someone you love, finding someone you really like till the day you die is the tricky part!! Took me three tries!!
12-31-2002, 05:41 PM
#29
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I've been there. And friends do not work.
For starters, if one harbors feelings towards the other, you can never just remain friends. One of the 2 will always want the other back. You will always remain the EX. One tries to be friends, while the other is hoping to get back together. Next thing you know, it's a bed buddy friendship. Still one person will get hurt because you are being used, or believe things are getting better. It's a no win situation.
Second, if she left, like you say, because of the posh NYC scene, it is only a matter of time before it happens again. Everytime something new and exciting comes along you will be put to the back burner again. Why go through it again only to be hurt.
Third, I have done it before. I found someone else that seemed better than the one I was with. It wasn't any better. Just new. This went on for 6 years. Breaking up, back together, break up, etc. It never worked. I just did not like being alone and I knew that he would always be there. Then it came back, and a guy did it to me. I thought that things would be different. I never felt so used. And my heart broken again. And keep in mind, people get lonely around the holidays. Just about every woman wants to have her man next to year to give him a big kiss at the drop of the ball on New Year's eve nite.
I believe you have already made up your mind and you are just looking for backing up with what you want to do. Some kind of support. No matter what any one of us tell you, you have to do what makes you happy. We all have a point to make. You need to follow your gut feeling, not your heart. Just be careful. I wish you the best in your decision. Just be happy!
For starters, if one harbors feelings towards the other, you can never just remain friends. One of the 2 will always want the other back. You will always remain the EX. One tries to be friends, while the other is hoping to get back together. Next thing you know, it's a bed buddy friendship. Still one person will get hurt because you are being used, or believe things are getting better. It's a no win situation.
Second, if she left, like you say, because of the posh NYC scene, it is only a matter of time before it happens again. Everytime something new and exciting comes along you will be put to the back burner again. Why go through it again only to be hurt.
Third, I have done it before. I found someone else that seemed better than the one I was with. It wasn't any better. Just new. This went on for 6 years. Breaking up, back together, break up, etc. It never worked. I just did not like being alone and I knew that he would always be there. Then it came back, and a guy did it to me. I thought that things would be different. I never felt so used. And my heart broken again. And keep in mind, people get lonely around the holidays. Just about every woman wants to have her man next to year to give him a big kiss at the drop of the ball on New Year's eve nite.
I believe you have already made up your mind and you are just looking for backing up with what you want to do. Some kind of support. No matter what any one of us tell you, you have to do what makes you happy. We all have a point to make. You need to follow your gut feeling, not your heart. Just be careful. I wish you the best in your decision. Just be happy!
Last edited by Lucididee; 01-01-2003 at 08:33 PM.
