Like Tree0Likes

OT: How To Poop At Work !!

Reply
Old 02-26-2003, 12:21 PM
  #1
Registered
Thread Starter
 
Risk Taker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: New Hampshuu !!
Posts: 2,808
Talking OT: How To Poop At Work !!

Holy SH*T !!! I'm still crying i laughed so hard when I got this..........


We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2003 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE. Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE). Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH. Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME. Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER. Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN). Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS. Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH. Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE. Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON. Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET. Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED. Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY. Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
Risk Taker is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2003, 12:35 PM
  #2
Registered
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Troy, Mich
My Boats: 1984 Chris Cat
Posts: 2,707
Default

Hey !!!

You've been spying on me!
wannabe is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2003, 12:36 PM
  #3
Registered
Trade Score: (1)
 
HiPerf2000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: N.E.
My Boats: Sonic
Posts: 4,072
Default

HiPerf2000 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2003, 12:46 PM
  #4
Registered
 
Aqua-Holic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Delaware, Ohio
My Boats: Nada at the present time
Posts: 525
Default

Aqua-Holic is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2003, 12:57 PM
  #5
VIP Member
Platinum Member
 
wwwTOPDJcom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Vestal/Binghamton NY
My Boats: 1992 450hp Senza Spectre 25'
Posts: 3,477
Default

Ill give that four
and Ill put a copy in the stalls
wwwTOPDJcom is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2003, 01:00 PM
  #6
Registered
Trade Score: (2)
 
Jolley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Cass Lake Michigan
My Boats: 25 Ocean Express
Posts: 1,419
Default

That is just like here at DaimlerChrysler
Jolley is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2003, 01:03 PM
  #7
Registered
 
MitchStellin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Grand Haven, MI USA
My Boats: Zodiac RIB
Posts: 3,124
Default

Hey RT, you forgot one: The DEPENDS: This is were you wear a diaper in order to avoid all the above. You can let it rip right in the middle of a meeting and just go to the bathroom and put a new one on
MitchStellin is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2003, 01:22 PM
  #8
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
 
CigDaze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
My Boats: Cigarette 35 Cafe Racer
Posts: 21,346
Default

LMFAO!!!

CigDaze is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2003, 01:41 PM
  #9
Charter Member #927
Charter Member
 
Payton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: IN
My Boats: 1991 34' Super Hawaii
Posts: 4,817
Default

This should be posted inside all stalls.
Payton is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2003, 01:54 PM
  #10
Charter Member #319
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Pennsville NJ.
Posts: 3,974
Default

bajabob38 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Reply

Related Topics
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Magicfloat
General Boating Discussion
11
05-19-2006 06:15 PM



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:40 AM.


Copyright 2011 OffShoreOnly. All rights reserved.