(OT)Divorce input please..
 

I have been reading this board anon for years, I feel as if I know most of you personally, I guess were all kind of brothers in a way. I feel very bad that my first post isn't about a new boat or such but something more negative, divorce. I have seen a few go down here on the board, and I like to take my advice from more successful people. The general population of this board is far above the normal in every aspect.

She had a 6 month affair with someone at her work, she eventually buckled under guilt when I asked her if she has always been true and spilled her guts. Nice 10th aniv surprise. But I don't think I'm going to be able to let it go.

I have broken her down enough that I she is willing to let me walk with my business and house. And I have no problem with child support even in a 50/50 deal, I may help her buy a condo but I'm not playing that card up front. It's seems like a good deal as far as divorces go and it may not be an opportunity available to me in the future. Consulting a lawyer this week, but I would like any input on covering myself from future problems other than the child support. Can she come back at a point in the future for alimony. I guess my ultimate question too is how do I make the deal we strike now stick? Thanks.

-Bill

PS: California

Sorry to hear that...I'm young and no where near the time to get married but my folks split up and I lived with my dad. Take what you can and stay on good terms with her for your kids sake. It pays off big time in the future, as long as she is willing to stay on good terms too. How hold are your kids? I'd definetely leave with your business, don't let her get that.
Lance

My wife filed on me last monday.................crushed me. I am going to try to keep it freindly........we'll see. I sure don't have any advice, but will keep an eye on this thread for some. Good luck.
Bryan

We are both pretty cool and level headed. Well I'm not that old either (31)... We are and hopefully will be on good terms, it's just not going to work out. My kids are 9 and 7. Thanks for your input..

-B

We are actually going to try and use one bloodsucker (attorney) and see if that will work.............I want to stay freinds and actually I would like to see her change her mind.............we'll see what time has in store I guess.

Ouch... I hope it goes as well as it can. I think it pays off to keep it civil from a money and healing standpoint. As long as she doesn't start taking advice from some angry penis hating lez. Good luck.

Have you hit counseling yet? It helps solve some questions and appeals to their emotional side, errr, only side. You will learn something that could make the next one better. It's a good stall tactic to hide assets as well.

Sorry to here about it, for yor two mine is almost finnished (the 90 day wait). It goes without saying that keeping it peacefull is a plus, even when it is hard to do. In WA onece she sines the legal papers there are 3 sets then you are 90% out of the wood. She could decide to not sign the papres at the cort house with the judge but it looks real bad on her part. If it says you get the bizz and house and she gets X then after the cout house papers are sined that is what she gets no do over, In WA Rag's It is a loney club we are now in but it will get better.

Dang sorry to hear that.... I am 27 and was engaged, never married before... But did not go through, found out she cheated on me.... I am thinking that staying single is the way to go... People ask why I am leary of getting married. THIS is why....

If you use one lawyer make sure you are the one that does the hiring. He will then represent you. The agreement you have now will probably change soon when she gets gready. I had an agreement with my X that was fair to both- it was a 50/50 split. After she talked to her parents it all changed and got NASTY.
GOOD LUCK

Do you still love her? If so, make it work out. It may be hard to swallow, but losing someone you truly love is tough for the rest of your life. Voice of experience here.

I've been divorced for 5-6 yrs. I stood my ground ended up with the house, the boat, the hot rod but she got custody of my daughter. I see my daughter all the time , which is great!!! The X gets child support ONLY, no alimony. Over the years we have let the past go and get along pretty well for my daughters sake. Good Luck!;)

I have practically written a book on the subject. (I deal with unhappy wives daily and occasionally an unhappy husband.)

You'll find that most of your problems are going to come from two main sources. The first is lawyers. Please, never believe your lawyer is looking out for you first. He is looking out for Himself first and so is the spouses lawyer and both lawyers know it. They have a little game called "Soak the Clients" and over the years have made an art of it.

The other source of probs is spouse's relatives. Aunt Nellie (who never liked you anyway) gets in the act and stirs the fire. You'll find that former friends of you and the spouse will begin to polarize to one or the other of you, usually to the one they have known the longest. This is natural and you shouldn't let it get you down. They are simply standing with their old friend, not necessarily thinking of you as the bad guy.

There is a predictable pattern of feelings you will experience during this trying time. The MAIN THING to keep foremost in your mind is that things Will get back to normal and you Will feel good again.

That would have cost you $150 in the office.

Doc

Go for broke and TAG every decent looking friend she has....
that should solidify the seperation then you can cut right to the meat and taters of the split of property and such ....

the above advice is not for the faint of heart...but it's FUN

mine was over long ago..semi friendly split..with a nice battle at the end over assets..I guess I won..I really cannot comment on tactics as there were no children involved in my case...I would have played my cards in a different manner had there been ..obviously they come 1st...

It's never easy no matter how friendly it may seem to be , Just keep in mind you earned it once you'll earn it again..(I hope I never have to think that to myself again)

Ya I do. She by no means wants a divorce, but I don't think I'm going to live with this well. I'm a highly loyal and man of my word and this kind off stuff burns me to the bone. But can I say she truly loves me by her actions?

I see an opportunity to make out of this with my shirt and livelihood. An option that may never be available again.

Thanks!

I would rather love, marry and be hurt than to never.

Thanks for the words....

-B

Sounds like something better to do afterwards! LOL... Thanks.

You'll find that most of your problems are going to come from two main sources. The first is lawyers. Please, never believe your lawyer is looking out for you first. He is looking out for Himself first and so is the spouses lawyer and both lawyers know it. They have a little game called "Soak the Clients" and over the years have made an art of it.


VERY True. I would get references from 5 different lawyers and check them. Do they get back to you when you call? My liar never did. Did they look out for your interest? Did they want to settle out of court, or are they willing to fight? Get yourself a mean one, nice guys finish last. It is cheaper if its amicable, as long as you don't get screwed.
Be double careful on the custody and visitation arangements. $15K and 2 different lawyers, we are still having trouble with my step daughters father because of loopholes in the divorce contract. Get every detail spelled out, assume nothing. If its not in the contract it will be a battle later.

Good Luck! My life started with my divorce!

all kidding aside .. I had a paralegal draw up the proper paperwork based on a mutual agreement between the X and I ...she signed it and we filed for divorce the judge approved the filing..done deal. Total cost - 500 clams.... Just be sure to remove her name from anything it may be on..credit cards,bank accounts etc etc...leave no stone unturned..

bottom line: giver her only what she deserves. not what you deserve.

If she had an affair, there was a problem to begin with. If you both TRUELY love eachother seek counseling, find out why it happened. If it's correctable YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS !!!

If you can't honestly say to yourselves you love one another, or it's not worth it to you to try, then it was never going to work in the first place. I agree with the others. No matter what she says now,,,, as soon as she starts getting other peoples input you will be sending her a monthly check from your buisness.

I would do what you can to get out now and ahead with all of your things intact. Obviously you are hurt really bad, and see this as your only option. If you do this as cheaply and easily as possible, there maybe the option of one day down the road revisting this relationship.

I was in a relationship similar to ChrisK. We were both young, and she wronged me bad. I wanted to work things out, and did everything I could, including 'officially' moving in with her. It was the worst mistake of my life. I was lucky I got out with myself and possessions intact, not to mention my career.

Since then I have found the most amazing person on earth, my fiance Neda. The old awful relationship ended in July with a quick and wrong revist in October. I met Neda in November, and we were engaged in February. What a ride it has been, and I am so thankful to have gotten out when I did, and see what the entire world has opened up to show me. 2002 was the worst year of my life before November. November on- and 2003, has been such a whirlwind, I can't even put into words how happy I am.

Give yourself this opportunity to see what the world has in store for you. Anything is possible, with someone new, or possibly even a re-visit someday after lots of individual healing. Couple healing in this situation DOES NOT work; and is a waste of time and money.

Well,,, you wanted different opinions,,, you got them !!!!!!!!!

The reason I say its worth a shot,, a couple months longer is not a big deal,,, if its not looking up then seperate.

To divorce is a quick easy way out that will affect your kids forever.

I have brother?!?! This is my exact thoughts, you put them down better than I.

You are right! But I feel better about my decisions when I know all my options.

I hear you on the time, but please take into consideration a few months and her feelings will change and this could mean allot of money and my living, wait, and my boat! If I revisit and I believe it's likely I will, it will be on my terms and I'm back in the drivers seat.

We are both great parents and they will be fine, if mom and dad aren't happy together I can't see how they would benifit. Thanks again all!

-B