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OT: Men's Rules (humor)

Old 04-20-2003, 10:39 PM
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Smile OT: Men's Rules (humor)

GUYS: Print this out for your wife or GF.


We always hear "the rules" for the woman's side. Now here are the rules from the man's side. These are the MAN's RULES. They are all numbered as #1 on purpose.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it is up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us whining about you leaving it down.

1. Birthday's, Valentines Day and Anniversaries are NOT a contest to see if we can find the perfect present yet again.

1.Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It is like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. No, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just tell us.

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently before hand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes...tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair out of thirty would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache for the last 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please!!!

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact all, comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's secret girls, don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys.

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway. It's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it then just do it.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Like windows default settings. Peach for example is a fruit not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof on how much we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing" we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want the answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as naked women, a shotgun formation or speed boats.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners, unless it is Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they are saying anyway.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take a quiz together. No it doesn't matter which quiz

1. Beer to us is as exciting as handbags are to you.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know that we really don't mind that. It's like camping.
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Old 04-20-2003, 11:50 PM
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Good one............I'll have to give this to her as a reminder
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:38 AM
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I like that 1
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Old 04-21-2003, 09:12 AM
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I like rule number 1 the best.
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