Like Tree0Likes

OT: The art of the metaphor, high school style

Reply
Old 05-14-2003, 12:56 PM
  #1
Registered
Thread Starter
 
dockrocker's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Deeee-troit!
Posts: 3,356
Default OT: The art of the metaphor, high school style

Friend of mine sent me these - supposedly culled from various high school essays. No idea whether they are legitimate or not (I'm guessing not) but they're still damn funny...

Quote:
  • He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one those boxes with a pinhole in it.
  • She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
  • Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  • The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
  • McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
  • From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
  • Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
  • The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
  • Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
  • They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fencest that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
  • John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
  • He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
  • The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  • The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
  • "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
  • He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but real duck that was actually lame - Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
  • The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
  • It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
  • She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
  • She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
  • It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
dockrocker is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2003, 01:00 PM
  #2
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
 
CigDaze's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
My Boats: Cigarette 35 Cafe Racer
Posts: 21,346
Default

Damn, I hate accidentally stapling my tongue to the wall.
CigDaze is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2003, 01:04 PM
  #3
Registered
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 4,215
Default

After reading this I was mad

Like a 3 legged dog trying to bury a turd on a frozen lake

" GIT ER DONE"
THRILLSEEKER is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2003, 01:08 PM
  #4
Gold Member
Gold Member
 
Iggy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Kissimmee, Florida
My Boats: '88 Formula F-206 LS
Posts: 4,155
Default

Quote:
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
Change the name to Ed and I know exactly what he means.
Quote:
"Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
I think I knew her.......
Quote:
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
LOL, big time!!!!!!
Iggy is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2003, 01:09 PM
  #5
Transplanted to KS
Gold Member
 
Outlawcowgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Topeka, KS
My Boats: 1993 24 ft Baja Outlaw that is too loud for the State of Kansas
Posts: 1,685
Default

HA! This one is too close being from Topeka....

"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. "
Outlawcowgirl is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2003, 02:10 PM
  #6
Registered
 
Clay Washington's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Austin, Texas
My Boats: 1990 Cigarette Bullet
Posts: 6,986
Default

Ya gotta love brother-in-law Phil!
Clay Washington is offline  
Reply With Quote
Reply

Related Topics
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Flyinbrian
General Boating Discussion
8
10-14-2002 03:03 PM



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:13 PM.


Copyright 2011 OffShoreOnly. All rights reserved.