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Waaay OT: Cover letter review

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Old 06-11-2003, 04:00 PM
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Default Waaay OT: Cover letter review

After 6 years at the same company, I've decided to test the job market waters. It's been so long since I've had to write a cover letter that I'd like a couple extra sets of eyes to look at it - and since some of my OSO brethen are big successful bidness types, I thought I'd run it by you...

This particular version is going to a specific company. Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Comments welcome...

Quote:
Mr. Anderson:

XXX has recently set aggressive targets for growth over the next few years. As an experienced professional with over 15 years in the IT industry, I believe that I have the knowledge and skills to help your company reach its goals. For the past 6 years, I have been with (soul-sucking current company) specializing in technology implementation, application development, and large-scale project management.

Currently, I lead the Business Intelligence and Performance Management team on the ABC account. ABC is the largest IT services contract ever awarded by the ABC client, with a planned deployment of over (lots and lots of) seats and a monetary value of (a whole lotta) dollars. My responsibilities span all initiatives related to business intelligence and performance management, from contract analysis and interpretation, to partner, vendor, and subcontractor management, to overall project management of our data collection and system integration efforts.

Other notable achievements include:
  • Led a project to consolidate several separate directory systems into a single x.500-based corporate solution. The elimination of redundant systems resulted in significant savings to the company.
  • Drove the development of a basic web application designed for a single client into a complete portal solution easily leveraged across multiple accounts.
  • Was an integral part of a messaging solution integration effort that consolidated 22 separate e-mail systems into one Microsoft Exchange solution, eliminating millions of dollars in support costs. At 80,000+ seats, this remains one of the largest Exchange implementations in the world.
  • Led a team that planned and executed a complete network and seat migration for 2000+ users in less than 3 months. The client had been unsuccessfully attempting the same project for over 18 months before looking for external assistance.
In addition to my experience with IT consulting and outsourcing, I spent a number of years working in the automobile dealership services industry. This experience has given me a solid understanding of dealership operations and the manufacturer/dealer relationship.

After 15 years in the IT consulting sector, I find the prospect of working for a recognized automotive industry leader such as XXX to have considerable appeal. I bring to XXX a proven track record of exceptional performance, leadership ability, motivation, and good judgment. If you are interested in a motivated and committed leader, we should speak. I have attached my resume for your review, and I am available to interview at your convenience.

Sincerely,

Agent Smith
Thanks in advance....
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Old 06-11-2003, 04:12 PM
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I'd hire you and I can't even tell what the [email protected] you do.
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Old 06-11-2003, 04:33 PM
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Can't help you with the content, but it was easy enough to figure out who the "Current soul-sucking company" is.
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Old 06-11-2003, 06:47 PM
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It seems long for a cover letter. How long is the resume?
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Old 06-11-2003, 07:46 PM
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I just finished searching for a job. I start my new job June 23rd. I think your letter looks good. Cover letters are such a pain in the ass. A lot of applicants don't think they are important and don't use them and never get any calls and wonder why. I ended up taking a job that I applied for through monster.com and didn't use a cover letter. Most jobs you can apply for online now directly through their website. If I am emailing, mailing, or faxing a resume I included a cover letter. If I was applying online I did not.

Good luck, contrary to what people say about the current economy, IT people with good skills can find jobs.

Dave M.

P.S. Don't forget to mention the fact that you are an OSO advanced user.
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Old 06-11-2003, 08:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by PhantomChaos
It seems long for a cover letter. How long is the resume?
Nort,

I thought it was a bit long myself (the first version was much, much worse) - it does fit on one page, including addresses and closing.

I'd shorten it, but I'm not real sure what to remove.

As for the resume, it's at 3 good pages - years of consulting work = lots of different assignments to put on the resume. Not too unusual in my line of work, though.
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Old 06-11-2003, 08:53 PM
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As long as the cover letter is just that......a "cover" and not a resume unto itself. Perhaps in the IT business a 3-page resume is the norm, but the general rule is 1-2 pages. The whole idea is to get the attention, and get an interview. Straight to the facts of what you've done, your background and what you are looking for, plus a great layout. Details can be provided at the inteview(s).
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Old 06-11-2003, 09:00 PM
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dock rocker,

on a cover letter you have only 8 sentences to capture the person reading your cover letter. after the eight sentences make it very brief. have it refer to your resume for more in depth of what you do.

also the stuff you have in paranthesis. get rid of. it'S childish.

be straight to the point why they would benafit from hiring you.

Treadwell
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Old 06-11-2003, 09:18 PM
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Dockrocker,

I think I would remove the second sentence from the end. It sounded kind of condescending. Instead of "we should speak" maybe work in your "motivated and committed leader" qualities in another part of the letter.

Good luck in your search!
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Old 06-11-2003, 09:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by KaamaScarab30
I'd hire you and I can't even tell what the [email protected] you do.
Hahahahaahahahaaaa......NICE!!

Treadwell, I think he was just puttng that in for all us OSO'ers to laugh at, not for the real deal....atleast I think that is the case.

I think it sounds a little long. I recently started a motorsports business and I was approaching potential clients that I have business realtionships with already with a letter. After I wrote the intro letter I went thru and found it to be 3 pages long. SO, I had no idea what to cut out.....but I went thru and revised several times so it is just over 1 page.

Very precise, not redundant (unlike when I talk ). Go thru and cross out stuff you can do without or that is mentioned in the resume. Shave off and reposition sentences....you will be much happier with a shorter letter......as will the reader.

Don't give them any reasaon to toss you aside, like a long letter.

My .02, good luck, other than the length, the letter itself sound terrific.

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