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Status of a Hangover

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Old 08-01-2003, 09:05 PM
  #1
Rob
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Default Status of a Hangover

Now I wouldn't know anything about this but I'm told.............


>>>One Star Hangover (*)
>>>No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're
>>>able to function relatively
>>>well. However, you are still parched. You can
>>>drink 5 sodas and still feel
>>>this way. For some reason, you are craving a
>>>steak &fries.
>>>
>>>Two Star Hangover (**)
>>>No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You
>>>may look okay, but you have
>>>the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee
>>>you are chugging is only
>>>increasing your rumbling gut, which is still
>>>tossing around the fruity
>>>pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House
>>>excursion. There is some definite
>>>havoc being reeked upon your bowels.
>>>
>>>Three Star Hangover (***)
>>>Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are
>>>definitely not productive.
>>>Any time a girl walks by you gag because her
>>>perfume reminds you of the
>>>flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends
>>>dared you to drink. Life
>>>would be better right now if you were home in
>>>your bed watching Lucy
>>>re-runs. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon
>>>of water, 3 iced teas and a
>>>diet coke and haven't peed yet!!!
>>>
>>>Four Star Hangover (****)
>>>Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't
>>>speak too quickly or else you
>>>might puke. Your boss has already lambasted
>>>you for being late and has
>>>given you a lecture for reeking of booze.
>>>You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the
>>>fact that you only shaved one
>>>side of your face. (For the women, it looks
>>>like you put your make-up on
>>>while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look
>>>like one big red vein, and
>>>even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in
>>>perpetual spasm, and the first
>>>of about five ****s you take during the day
>>>brings water to the eyes of
>>>everyone who enters the bathroom.
>>>
>>>Five Star Hangover (*****)
>>>You have a second heartbeat in your head, which
>>>is actually annoying the
>>>employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor
>>>is seeping out of every pore
>>>and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste
>>>crust in the corners of your
>>>mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to
>>>get the remnants of the poop
>>>fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to
>>>generate saliva so your tongue
>>>is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest
>>>idea who the hell the
>>>stranger was passed out in your bed this
>>>morning. Any attempt to defecate
>>>results in a fire hose like discharge of
>>>alcohol-scented fluid with a rare
>>>'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of
>>>this 'floater' seems to be to
>>>splash the toilet water all over your ass.
>>>Death sounds pretty good about
>>>right now.
>>>
>>>THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE
>>>DRUNK:
>>>Indubitably
>>>Innovative
>>>Preliminary
>>>Proliferation
>>>Cinnamon
>>>
>>>THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
>>>YOU'RE DRUNK:
>>>Specificity
>>>British Constitution
>>>Passive-aggressive disorder
>>>Loquacious Transubstantiate
>>>
>>>THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY
>>>WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
>>>Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
>>>Nope, no more booze for me
>>>Sorry, but you're not really my type
>>>Good evening officer, isn't it lovely
>>>out tonight
>>>Oh I couldn't, nobody wants to hear me
>>>sing
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Old 08-01-2003, 10:41 PM
  #2
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I like that one. After the leopa poker run tomorow I'll give my rating sunday morning.
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