Like Tree0Likes

OT: Jokes

Old 09-24-2003, 11:26 AM
Offshore Addiction
Posts: n/a
Default OT: Jokes

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is okay.

She replies "yes." He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....

Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2003, 11:27 AM
Offshore Addiction
Posts: n/a

Hillary Clinton:
Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St.Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Everytime you lie the hands of your clock will move."
"Oh", said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible", said Hillary. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bill's clock?, asked Hillary.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2003, 11:29 AM
Offshore Addiction
Posts: n/a

She Got it All!
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "Darling," he says. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me outof it, "he says, "because I've been having an affair with your bestfriend, and she's a far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55. He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to 60. I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat." The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.This makes him a wee bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"The wife at last replies - in a quiet and controlled voice. "No,I've got everything I need." she says."Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what have you got?" Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and says "The airbag."Never underestimate how a woman thinks.
Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2003, 12:04 PM
dkwestern's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Lake St. Clair
My Boats: 33' Powerplay triple 2.5's
Posts: 2,973

Good Stuff!!!!
dkwestern is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 09-24-2003, 08:02 PM
Wasabe's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: SBRT Southwest
Posts: 4,977

I give it
Wasabe is offline  
Reply With Quote

Related Topics
Thread Starter
Last Post
General Boating Discussion
01-16-2004 07:43 PM
General Boating Discussion
12-07-2003 11:09 AM
General Boating Discussion
12-05-2003 04:08 PM
General Boating Discussion
10-08-2003 12:13 PM

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:50 PM.

Copyright 2011 OffShoreOnly. All rights reserved.