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OT Monday Humor

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Old 12-01-2003, 10:26 AM
  #1
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Default OT Monday Humor

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a
farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet,"
said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until
he does his chores.

Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the
chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows,
and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a
pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl
o! f dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have
any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you
don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you
don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow,
so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the
cat half way across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at
his mother with a smile, and says, "You going to tell him or
should I?"
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Old 12-01-2003, 11:05 AM
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This is a story about a couple who have been married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting

loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the

smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping off because it was

making her sick.

He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a Doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow

his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner

and he was upstairs sound asleep,

she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck,

gizzard, liver and all spare parts

and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs

where her husband was sound asleep

and gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waist

band of his underpants and emptied the

bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband awaken with his usual trumpeting which

was then followed by a blood

curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran to the

bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing,

tears in her eyes!

After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained

underpants with a look of

horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was.

He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I

wouldn't listen to you"

"What do you mean?" asked the wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,

and today it finally happened.

But by the grace of God, some vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got

most of them back in.
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Old 12-01-2003, 11:53 AM
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LMAO @ both!
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