Like Tree0Likes

A reference thread for all the holiday parties!

Reply
Old 12-24-2003, 07:50 PM
  #1
Registered
Thread Starter
 
PhantomChaos's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Bell Canyon, CA
My Boats: Formula FASTech 382 Sunseeker Apache 45
Posts: 12,756
Talking A reference thread for all the holiday parties!

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face.

(For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five ****s you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover, (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in.

The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity

British

Constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Loquacious

Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex

Nope, no more booze for me

Sorry, but you're not really my type

Good evening
PhantomChaos is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-2003, 08:20 PM
  #2
VIP Member
VIP Member
 
OldSchool's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Florida
My Boats: Cigarette CC and Boston Whaler currently
Posts: 10,094
Default

That is some funny azz chit Nort!!!

It's been a long time, but I've had five star ones that I could write a Novel about.
OldSchool is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2012, 07:19 AM
  #3
GLH
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
 
GLH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Burlington, VT
My Boats: Azimut
Posts: 15,267
Default

^
Spam douche bag
GLH is offline  
Reply With Quote
Reply

Related Topics
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Rambunctious
General Boating Discussion
24
11-07-2005 10:50 AM
PhantomChaos
General Boating Discussion
49
06-06-2005 10:18 AM
TEAMBAJA
Baja
3
02-18-2003 11:20 AM
RLW
General Q & A
51
01-16-2003 09:05 AM
Strike
General Boating Discussion
0
04-02-2002 01:35 PM



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:54 PM.


Copyright 2011 OffShoreOnly. All rights reserved.