I Love Broker-ese
 

"SUPER CLEAN AND READY TO GO" - just don't fall through the rotting floor when you do.

"She is in Bristol condition" - The upholstery is only "Slightly" filthy and just a few small tears, rips and wrinkles.

Post your favorites.

"NOPE...he owns it CASH. He can sit on it for as long as he likes. The boat has been seriously for sale with this owner since the fall...

I love when people call and offer $50k for a $85k boat :D "

Classic!:rolleyes:



Sorry, could not help myself.:D :D :D

"Its the latest technology... a variable geometry transom that allows the boat to move with the conditions....." which meant the transom was so wet that it flexed at speed.

Needs Interior
Needs paint
Was a Bank repo
Have no idea about motors


But It's worth it!:D

" Better than new".... that means " outdrives rotted off by electrolysis".... " super clean" .... that means the hull is covered with marine growth.......:hothead:

All it needs is just a little TLC.:D

Cleanest 1988 boat around :p

Motors and drives have just been ''gone through''...........................Yeah, with what?

They've gone through a wringer... and then had some paint put on them....:eureka:

"This 1992 model is practically new"...uh-ha...

"Demo hours only" (the worst kind of hours, imo)

"Professionally maintained"....oh ya, that MUST mean it's in tip top shape.

"Like-new"...it is or it isn't!

:rolleyes:

My favorite is "Coast Guard Ready"

Ready for what? Rescue?

Professionally maintained = Professionally Beat on :D

Roflmao..... have adjustable wrench... will travel.... :p

"She's never been in rough water" = Beat so hard the driver had to take a nap!

"Those are the actual hours on the meter" Please dont plug in the motors, we just added new meters.

"The owner is firm at that price" The guy is calling every ten minutes saying submit all offers.

"I really dont have any money in this one" I have a 10% commision I dont want you to know about.

What about buyers lines???
*This is the all time best one*
"I dont need to finance, I have cash, lets just take her for a spin for an hour or so and if I like her...I buy her!!! What do you mean deposit? I never had to put down a deposit before?"

or
"No I dont have another boat to trade in"
or
"I know what this boat is really worth"

or the most famous...
"Im getting a check in about two weeks and Im going to get me one of these.

For as bad a brokers are...Buyers are worse!!!

I've heard this one before from a buyer... " Meet me at the marina launch ramp... let's spend the day out on the water... put her through the paces...if she does what you say she will.... I'll consider buying her."... translation... "Lets go beat the $hit out of your boat... oh... and you get to pay for the gas and buy us lunch on Catalina.".............:hothead: My Reply... you meet me at the lauch ramp with $1,000.00 cash.... I'll buy the gas and clean the boat up afterwards... if you buy it... I'll take One thousand dollars off your final price......Amazing how quickly that seperated the men from the boys... the only guy that ponied up the grand... bought the boat.

When I was at DSM we used to have the "Sunday morning club". Those are the OC guys that would take some pretentious OC stank Ho home the night before and wake up the next morning still trying to impress her with $$$ because they are a lousy lay. Any how, they would walk in arm and arm and they guy would say something along the lines of "I want to buy that offshore boat over there (Pointing to a Tiger) But I want to make sure I like it first, Why don't we run to Catalina for lunch with it?"
Some even added
"What time should we meet you at the ramp? I am a cash buyer so I don't want to waste time with paperwork."

Lets face it folks. If you are about to drop $400K for a boat on a Sunday morning and all you want is a lunch run, you are a rare breed.

Our response:
"Sure, Ill have the boys in the back get her ready. Just give us 10% down on the agreed price, which you say you are a cash buyer so Ill take a grand off the top, and we are off. Lunch is on me!"

Thats when they say they have never had to put 10% down before. We ask what kind of boat they have, or have bought in the past without money down. and push the issue that for a man willing to spend $400K a $40K deposit should not be hard to get on a glorious Sunday morning. Needless to say they look stupid in front of there future Ex-wife.
I know all of you are reading this and thinking I must be a jerk that ran off a few potential buyers. I will defend myself this way. California has a VERY small offshore boating community. I have never seen one of these guys again on the water in any boat...EVER!
And it was usually 2 Sundays per month this would happen.
That is why the only way to buy a boat...is to be pre qualified. (Pre approved at a lender or able to show financial means to buy a particular boat).

1981/2003


Fresh water boat- located Miami Beach.
Click on link to see pics from Key West Poker Run

insptech

LMAO that's so true LOL :D

the owner is read to write a check to get out from under it.

'Some dude named Fred that works at Burger King owns it and it's never been in the water....'

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OOOOPPPPPSSS....



nevermind

'Some dude named Bulldog owns it and its never been in the water'

This is the best one so far

LMAO!!!!!:D :D :D

Brilliant! :D :D

Sorry - but I couldn't help myself! :D ;) :p

I always like the Picture's thay send you of a boat. Never much detail....

"Um, well, I dont have a $100 digital camera to take a picture of my $200,000.00 Boat, Is there any way you can just come out and look at it and make me an offer?"

Another one from the buyers side...This is a personal favorate!

"I could go to Florida and get that same boat for half the price!"

Ba Bye! Send me a postcard Blow Hard!

If some of you have done this then I apologise.

When someone is listing the compass, depth finder, trim tabs, cleats, and other standard equipment that 99% of all boats have on them already as "special" options.

Thats really reaching for to try to differentiate the boat from others.

"Now that you have purchased the boat, how are you going to get it home...Oh, No the trailer doesnt come with it...Thats extra"

I know of a broker that actually pulled that one!

How about when they try to sell a used boat for the same price or higher then what they paid? :drool:

or


1998 boat with only 45 hours YEA RIGHT!

ME: Hello,,, I'm calling about the 28 you have for sale...

salesman: of course you are,, that boats a 10...

ME: I'm driving 5 hours to come look at it.

Get there, the out drive is gone, the hydraulic steering is hanging in the mud, the motor is in the shop, the cover is ripped, the paint is trashed, the carpets are trashed, the 3' by 1' spot where they fixed it with marine tex is so obvious, the mold mildew soda cans dirty laundry in the cabin makes you wanna puke, the bottom is black and all scraped from the fork lift, the boat was repo-ed.. I ask the guy,, this boat is a 10 ?? OUT OF WHAT,, TEN THOUSAND...


silly me was pissed because in the pic he had posted there was a foot print on the sun pad, i'm like what idiot walked on there with his shoes on ?? needless the say the boat was the biggest P.O.S I have seen and it was an 01...
:hothead:

I went to look at a boat one time that the broker said "Needed a littlle cleaning...But was a very nice boat". I even knew the broker. I show up with the potential buyer, open the cabin door. The rain the week before flooded the cabin and mixed the Poop and Vomit together on the carpet. Sickest thing I ever saw.

My Buyer actually made an offer for a reasonable price...$15K less than they were asking. And the Broker said that was "Insulting and he would not entertain it!"

NICE!

How about the guy that advertises his boat has a GPS... and when you look at the dash and say... Where's the GPS... he shows you a small hand held... duh...:eek: