Dictionary for Personnel ad's in the newspaper
WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish...................... 49
Adventurer...............Slept with all your friends
Athletic.................... No tits
Average looking.........Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful................... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.........Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated.................... Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure......Medicated
Feminist.................... Fat ballbuster
Free spirit................. Junkie
Friendship first........Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun......................... Annoying
Gentle......................Comatose
Good Listener...........Borderline Autistic
New-Age...................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned............Lights out, missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded.............Desperate
Outgoing...................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate...............Sloppy drunk
Poet........................ Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional..............Certified *****
Redhead...................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque.............Grossly Fat
Romantic..................Looks better by candle light
Social...................... Has been passed around like an hors doeuvres
tray
Voluptuous................Very Fat
Weight proportion w/height..Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate........Stalker
Widow.......................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart..........Old bat

MEN'S ADS
40-ish................ 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic.............. Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking.....Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated..............Will patronize the **** out of you
Free Spirit........... Banging your sister
Friendship first....As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun......................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking.........Arrogant
Very good looking.....Dumb as a board
Honest.................Pathological Liar
Huggable.............. Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle......Insecure mama's boy
Mature................ Older than your father
Open-minded.........Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not
interested
Physically fit........ Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet.................. Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive.............Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive.....Gay
Spiritual.............Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable................ Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful..........Says "Excuse me" when he farts

Those are good!