OT: The art of the metaphor, high school style
05-14-2003 | 11:56 AM
#1
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From: Deeee-troit!
OT: The art of the metaphor, high school style
Friend of mine sent me these - supposedly culled from various high school essays. No idea whether they are legitimate or not (I'm guessing not) but they're still damn funny...
- He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one those boxes with a pinhole in it.
- She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
- Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
- The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
- McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
- From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
- Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
- The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
- Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
- They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fencest that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
- He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
- "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but real duck that was actually lame - Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
- The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
- It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
- She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
- She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
05-14-2003 | 12:08 PM
#4
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From: Kissimmee, Florida
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
"Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
05-14-2003 | 12:09 PM
#5
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From: Topeka, KS
HA! This one is too close being from Topeka....
"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. "
"Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. "
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