The B.S. Thread
05-30-2007 | 12:10 PM
#4445
Registered
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,779
Likes: 1
From: HOUSTON ,TX
05-30-2007 | 01:09 PM
#4446
Registered
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 15,491
Likes: 7
From: LAKE CONROE, TX
Secrets You Better Tell Your Partner
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Mon, May 21, 2007, 2:20 pm PDT Post a Comment View all 417 Comments »
If you read my last column about secrets you should never tell your partner, you may assume that I believe honesty ranks behind coffee preferences on the list of relationship priorities. But that's not true. Of course, better communication is one of the true keys to relationship success. While two-thirds of both men and women consider friendship to be the most important attribute in relationships, not all couples talk to each other like friends. Often, in fact, we stay bottled up like a old wine when the best course of action would be to start pouring it all out. The following secrets are ones many of us tend to keep hidden, but really shouldn't.
I've Got Issues
True story. An editor at Men's Health went on a radio show talking about relationships, and a listener phoned in, confused as to why a recent relationship didn't work out. He confessed that he had been in prison for years-but he didn't tell her until they were already months deep into the relationship. An extreme example, of course, but the point is that most of us are hesitant to reveal our quirks (don't eat anything green), our pasts (It took me seven years to graduate), our opinions (The president is a _____), and our issues (I never want kids) that may scare off potential partners. I'm not suggesting putting out a weirdo alert, but somewhere early on-maybe date six or so-it's smart to reveal at least pieces of who you are. Otherwise, you're just wasting your time, because when the truth does come out, your partner will feel mad-and duped.
I'm Getting Pursued
It's not the easiest thing in the world to tell your partner that a co-worker, or friend, or random barista is making moves on you. After all, you don't want to appear like you're gloating, you don't want to instigate jealousy, and you don't want your partner to be alarmed. If the chase has elevated from innocent flirting to serious pursuit, your partner deserves to know that you're in someone's lusting cross-hairs. Plus, by telling your partner that something screwy is going on, you're actually assuring him or her that nothing is going on.
I Like That
With 53 percent of people rating their sex lives as a C or worse, there's room for some improvement. Chances are, the problem is that you're not vocal enough. It's not that you don't make enough noise in bed-but you're not vocal enough about what you like in bed. Most of us are more verbal about our sexual likes early in relationships, but once we reach the comfort zone of a relationship, we're a lot less likely to actually communicate with our partners about what we want. The best strategy: Talk about it on a long drive and not right there in the bed, so there's no pressure to immediately perform. If you let the thoughts and ideas simmer, you'll have a better chance of bringing your relationship to a boil.
I Need More
A big relationship killer: Complacency. We get into our routines-Tuesdays mean Idol, Thursdays mean Grey's, the weekend means it's time to catch up on bills, laundry, and garage-cleaning. The relationships that get as stagnant as pond water need someone to make waves, but we don't tell each other what we want. Half of men and women say that they don't always tell their partners what's bothering them. And the only way to instigate and inspire change is to stop stewing and start flapping.
Have other stories and secrets that you think one should fess up about? Share them here.
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Mon, May 21, 2007, 2:20 pm PDT Post a Comment View all 417 Comments »
If you read my last column about secrets you should never tell your partner, you may assume that I believe honesty ranks behind coffee preferences on the list of relationship priorities. But that's not true. Of course, better communication is one of the true keys to relationship success. While two-thirds of both men and women consider friendship to be the most important attribute in relationships, not all couples talk to each other like friends. Often, in fact, we stay bottled up like a old wine when the best course of action would be to start pouring it all out. The following secrets are ones many of us tend to keep hidden, but really shouldn't.
I've Got Issues
True story. An editor at Men's Health went on a radio show talking about relationships, and a listener phoned in, confused as to why a recent relationship didn't work out. He confessed that he had been in prison for years-but he didn't tell her until they were already months deep into the relationship. An extreme example, of course, but the point is that most of us are hesitant to reveal our quirks (don't eat anything green), our pasts (It took me seven years to graduate), our opinions (The president is a _____), and our issues (I never want kids) that may scare off potential partners. I'm not suggesting putting out a weirdo alert, but somewhere early on-maybe date six or so-it's smart to reveal at least pieces of who you are. Otherwise, you're just wasting your time, because when the truth does come out, your partner will feel mad-and duped.
I'm Getting Pursued
It's not the easiest thing in the world to tell your partner that a co-worker, or friend, or random barista is making moves on you. After all, you don't want to appear like you're gloating, you don't want to instigate jealousy, and you don't want your partner to be alarmed. If the chase has elevated from innocent flirting to serious pursuit, your partner deserves to know that you're in someone's lusting cross-hairs. Plus, by telling your partner that something screwy is going on, you're actually assuring him or her that nothing is going on.
I Like That
With 53 percent of people rating their sex lives as a C or worse, there's room for some improvement. Chances are, the problem is that you're not vocal enough. It's not that you don't make enough noise in bed-but you're not vocal enough about what you like in bed. Most of us are more verbal about our sexual likes early in relationships, but once we reach the comfort zone of a relationship, we're a lot less likely to actually communicate with our partners about what we want. The best strategy: Talk about it on a long drive and not right there in the bed, so there's no pressure to immediately perform. If you let the thoughts and ideas simmer, you'll have a better chance of bringing your relationship to a boil.
I Need More
A big relationship killer: Complacency. We get into our routines-Tuesdays mean Idol, Thursdays mean Grey's, the weekend means it's time to catch up on bills, laundry, and garage-cleaning. The relationships that get as stagnant as pond water need someone to make waves, but we don't tell each other what we want. Half of men and women say that they don't always tell their partners what's bothering them. And the only way to instigate and inspire change is to stop stewing and start flapping.
Have other stories and secrets that you think one should fess up about? Share them here.
05-30-2007 | 03:04 PM
#4450
Registered
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,227
Likes: 0
From: FORTLAUDERDALE, FLORIDA
