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  1. #1
    Registered cgarrett's Avatar
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    Jun 2001
    Mecca, Ohio

    OT:Santa Cancels Christmas

    T'was the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed
    He cussed at the elves and threw down his list
    Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
    I have good mind to scrap the whole works

    I've busted my ass for damn near a year
    Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear
    The old lady *****es cause I work late at night
    The elves want more money - The reindeer all fight

    Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
    Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
    And just when I thought that things would get better
    Those *******s from IRS sent me a letter

    They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny
    Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money
    And the kids these days - they all are the pits
    They want the impossible ...Those mean little ****s

    I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
    Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
    I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them
    They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!

    If you think that's bad...just picture this
    Try holding those brats...with their pants full of piss
    They pull on my nose - they grab at my beard
    And if I don't smile..the parents think I'm weird

    Flying through the air...dodging the trees
    Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
    I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment
    I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment
    There's no Christmas this you know the reason
    I found me a big titted blonde and I'm going SOUTH for the season!!

  2. #2

    Thumbs up

  3. #3
    Moderator Gold Member ChrisK's Avatar
    My Boats:
    Boatless... Damn...
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    yeehaa... sounds like my kind of guy! hahaa

  4. #4
    Uncle Toys
    Nope, sorry, I like Tanks better.

    T'was the night before christmas...OSO style (Post #1)

    I think it's about that time.....Might as well make this an anual thing Enjoy!

    Twas the night before christmas
    all through out the OSO board
    All the members were lerking
    a big happy OSO hoard

    Members were post hoaring
    typing of this and that
    hunkering down in their chairs
    for a nice OSO chat.

    As I sat in my seat
    I heard this big rumble
    I thought to myself
    "what the hell is that??" in a grumble

    I walked to the window
    and what I did see
    made my jaw drop
    for surely it couldn't be.

    What I saw made me run
    as fast as I possibly could
    out through the front door
    into the neighborhood

    For there in the street
    was a big 'ol red sleigh
    but what was in tow
    made me say, "No f*ckin way!!"

    The big jolly man
    sitting up in the seat
    he turned to me winked,
    and jumped down to his feet.

    "Well what do you think
    on this fine christmas eve?
    Should I drop it right here?"
    as he rolled up his sleave.

    He pointed to
    the rear of his ride
    is that a tripple axle trailer?
    excitement I could not hide.

    I can tell you this much
    as I looked the trailer front to back
    a fine candy paint job
    custom rims and in fact,

    This had to be
    the nicest trailer I've seen!
    But it was what was on top
    If you know what I mean!!

    At this point santa said,
    "Was it a cat or a vee?
    the writing in your list,
    was to sloppy to see."

    I said in stunned words
    a 42 vee bottom
    He threw something
    I looked up in time and caught em.

    two Cigarette keys
    I looked back at the boat
    It was just as I pictured
    Just like I wrote.

    An awsome thing sat there
    a beutiful boat
    man I cant wait
    to get this a float!

    Santa ran down the list
    Blower scoops, gafrig gauges, blower motors,
    number 6 drives, custom paint,
    It even has those cool Cig key floaters.

    St. Nick looked at me
    then said, something smart,
    "Heres a gas card,
    you'll need some for it to start."

    I looked at santa
    and said, "You're the best!"
    He put a hand on my shoulder
    and said know to the rest

    Your OSO buddies
    have been requesting the same type of stuff
    He jumped to his sleigh
    with a little bit of huff.

    I've got lots of deliveries
    lots of trips to my boat shop
    OSO is world wide
    Alot of area's to stop!

    The reindeer will be pulling
    extra hours tonight
    pulling these big boats
    Makes for a rough flight.

    he said enjoy that new cig
    I sure enjoy mine
    throttles wide open
    I've been known to get a fine.

    Before he left on his way
    into the big night sky
    He said, "make sure you post this,
    I can read my laptop on the fly!"

    But wait till the morning
    Dont want to ruin the supprise
    I shoule start taking pictures
    of the look from you guys!

    I could post them on the board
    there on OSO
    That would be akick
    OH look at the time I must go.

    As he took flight in his sleigh
    He yelled down and said to me
    Last year I got OSO stickers
    This year a shirt would be good for free!!

    I'll see you on OSO
    I lurk when Im in flight
    Merry christmas to all
    and to all a good night!!


  5. #5

    Re: OT:Santa Cancels Christmas

    Originally posted by Cgarrett

    Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
    Its DONDER not Donner !

    Donder and Blitzen,,, (Thunder and lightning)

    daahhhner is how texans who can't pronounce a complex phonetic word like Donder say it

    Henry Livingston named him Donder in the original 1773 Poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" , popularly known as 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, published anonymusly by the Troy sentinal in 1823 and later Plagerized in his book of poems in 1844 by Clement C. Moore who tried to take credit for it.

    Gene Autry ( a texan wouldn't you know it ) mispronounced it in the 1950's song Rudolph the Red nose reindeer causing the common confusion

  6. #6
    Uncle Toys
    There you go. That's some nice Christmas trivia (except for the part slamming the Texans.)

  7. #7
    Registered Aqua-Holic's Avatar
    My Boats:
    Nada at the present time
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Delaware, Ohio
    I believe, I believe........Please bring me a new Cigarette too!


  8. #8
    Were doomed! Charter Member Wally's Avatar
    My Boats:
    Chris Craft Stinger 222
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Chicago, IL

    Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy horsepower. And I've never seen a sad person hauling a$$!

  9. #9
    Originally posted by Uncle Toys
    (except for the part slamming the Texans.)

    Would it help if I said Gene Autry altho born in Texas considered himself an Oaklahoman

  10. #10
    Registered cgarrett's Avatar
    My Boats:
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Mecca, Ohio

    Check out what Wally posted and after it plays click on some of the other episodes.

    I laugh and learn thanks to you guys.


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