I like this one.
Every swinging d1@k on this lake that thinks he's something drives a baja

Or, Baja is the byliner of high performance boats

Rides like a frying pan.

+1

"We came through the traps at Xmph, but the GPS showed Ymph and it's got a LOT more in it."

Really? When are we gonna see that?? :angry-smiley-038:

Anti-cavitation plate

I had some of those in Michigan! They called them panty droppers I think. Only problem is I was drinking them, and I wasn't wearing any panties. So I can't say if they worked or not

She running like a rapped ape.

"new boater, big motor!!" I often yell out when some joker has a big blown monster boat and rams into the dock !!

Sellers saying "boat needs nothing".....

Is this a 3 wheeled trailor (misspelled for effect) What was it hauling? :lolhit:

Or worse "it only needs a starter".

Its funny on land that the cops radar is always faster than my gps, but on water its opposite :lolhit:

That same boat will probably have two different model years in the description, which are roughly 25 years apart:

"She's a 1984 / 2009 model XYZ......"

My dad always told me that a boat is a hole in the water that you dump money into.

C'mon guys, this is the funniest boating term, not the most cliche boating terms. We've all heard the break out another thousand and the money hole.

Ted: Sure you have enough gas?
Me: yea we should be fine.
Ted: ok
Me: boat US, boat US, vessel needs assistance :D

"I think I need new gas gauges"

"It doesn't look that rough"

I also laughed the first time I heard outboards referred to as "eggbeaters"

What about a Monkey Knuckle.

Is that similar to a moose knuckle ???:lolhit:

"That will buff out"

"maintained with an open wallet":eekdrop:

My cousin who is a surfer calls my boats "guinea war canoes".
That always makes me laugh when he comes out with that.

It's fine my shoes are clean :angry-smiley-038:

Some of these one liners are hilarious, and so true. Haha

Destin Poker Run 2008. Cigs at the docs at one of the bars/restaurants. Cig is one of the sponsers, cigs flags flying. Three blonds (young, 20's) walking around, talking giggling, one asks the other.. "I wonder if they are giving free cigarette samples? " clueless..

I wanted to push them in the water.

Touché. It's cheaper to rent it:evilb:

Ding, Ding, Ding Artie got it. The "hard to tie end" as opposed to the "easy to tie middle" lol

A new boater friend of mine was telling me about his first time using the anchor. Out in the lake somewhere, apperently a deep part, he throws the anchor over and watches as all the line (rode) follows, yep all the rode, bitter end and all, over and out.

So I say to him, "You forgot to make fast the bitter end" He looked at me like I was from another planet.

With that, I'm going down below, through the companionway into the salon to use the head with the macerating toilet, hope the through hull is open, then go back topside to the gunwale to heave. After that I'll hoist the burgee and have another cocktail!

A grand barely covers a tank of gas now. I think boatt must be spelled with two t's:
Break Out Another Ten Thousand.

Baja's are bayliners with through hulls.

Thats not a rod knock, its just the exhaust flappers.

Is it fast?

The water is flatter then a book keepers ass.

On Lake Travis (and I'm sure other lakes) guys frequently think it is a great idea to have a bachelor party with a pontoon boat, the only problem is that they look like they probably aren't really interested in ladies at all.

I like to call this situation: A boner barge.

Sausage cruise

Or.......Boat for Sell.....I sure hope they Sale it......Must See......Why?..... to see what a POS it is? if I was gonna buy the F'r don't ya think I'd come see it?

You're damn genius!! Now you have to figure out what to say when something brand new shows up on the boat!!

Same thing the wife always says " it was on sale 50% off!"

I've been called a "Nautical Nitwit" and my local marine store guy told me I have the mechanical aptitude of a push on clothespin.

”Where's the head at ????”

Dont say that to a non boater.....I think he thought I was asking for a hummer !?:lolhit:

” no dude the bathroom ”





Also my bud says ” china walk ” think hes thinking of the china wok restaurant.

The best one I heard was a guy that just put his brandy new 30 something sea ray in for the first time. towing it with a brandy new caddy rear wheel drive. Put it in so the water was banging on the back window.. gets boat off with family on parks car jumps on boat takes off, see him turning around coming straight for me to t bone me into the dock. I jump out into the water to stop him ( not a good idea now that I think about it ) like i was going to stop it...Almost runs me over and hits my boat . then he says ' Cant get no traction out here" Cant find the brakes.. could not believe my ears. End of day you should have seen him pulling it out .. Thats another story

I've been asked:

"Wow how much gas that take? Like 40 gallons?"

"How many nitrous bottles that have?"

Or the most common at the gas station:

"What kinda fish you lookin ta catch?"

Now that's a real focktard .....:lolhit::angry-smiley-038::lolhit: