Along this line, I get this stupid question all the time,

"how much gas does it take? me;XXX gallons.
How long does that last? me; Well, how fast do you want to go? :angry-smiley-038:

whats in that a 350?

also "thats hotter than a half f#cked fox in a forest fire"

"how long does a tank of gas last "

Year ago, I worked at a boat shop. . .

I thought it was funny when guys bring in boats with a spun prop hub, broken skeg, broken outdrive bolts, broken lower unit bolts, and bent drive shaft. . . saying they hit a submerged log. So we ask, "how fast were you going?" The answer was invariably "we were just idling in gear".

Another funny one was when the guy brings in his 1976 Evinrude V4 that won't run. We find water in the gas, drain the carbs, replace the plugs, then run it on fresh gas. The owner's buddy says, "you wouldn't have all these problems if you had a Merc on it." I suppose that is actually true. . . the 1976 Merc wiring harness would have rotted long ago so it wouldn't be running today to get water in the gas.

Or the dillhole at the gas station who asks how fast it is. . . and I reply, "if set up right with the right props, should do 120+ but only 95 with these props." And he says, "That's it? I thought it would be faster."

Yup get that one alot. Haha. The look is priceless when I tell them I have burned 200 on a Saturday (pokerrun)

I have to remember the clothespin one, that is great for one person. If two, I tell them they could screw up a two car funeral!

Brian

that wins freekin awesome

How fast is it?
"With the right props it will run XX mph"

1 I almost forgot...the pontoon bachelor party reference reminded me....
A bunch of guys on a boat no girls...
Sword Fight

also read on here: we had an electrical problem, a rod came out the side of the block and knocked off a plug wire... i nearly fell out my chair laughing at that one.

Swamp donkey

:evilb:

Empty or not, it was open :lolhit:

Biggus and I were filling up my boat the day after Biggus had just filled up his. The lady inside was freeking out about how much fuel I was putting in (about 150 gallons). Kurt looked at her and said that is nothing I just put 300 in yesterday. She just looked at both of us and said "that is just stupid" :D

She's right, but it sure is fun afterwards :)

lmao

lol

or blenders

Ya, if they are maintained at all, that one pretty much goes without saying. :whistle:

Or clamp-ons

A toast in Jaws: "here's to swimmin with bow-legged women"
sounds best in a pirate voice.

Twin cigar hull boats or they thing paint jobs make them faster!
Brett

dude talking to his buddy at the dock looking at the boat....dude 1-- "man that thing runs 100mph right? dude 2-- "na i say at least 120mph"


FYI---the boat is a 38ft straight bottom Vee wit bravo's lol

Had my boat on the mooring and a for sale sign on the wind screen - as i was cleaning it up fella came up- "is the b0at for sale?"
"nope" i said "just the sign!"

from an old guy who taught me boat handling 101...:
"Never approach a dock faster than you can pull your wallet out"

funny boat name seen in VA beach (big navy base) : " Screaming Seamen"

[QUOTE=VideoFrank;3686441]from an old guy who taught me boat handling 101...:
"Never approach a dock faster than you can pull your wallet out"QUOTE]

No doubt related to the first rule of docking: "Never approach a fixed object any faster than you'd like to ram it."

Many years ago I visited a Southern California boat manufacturer that had just been purchased by a large corporation. Part of the purchase was the appointment of a new CEO to run the place. It was obvious to me that the new CEO was not a boater and had probably never even been on a boat. The CEO insisted that he take me on a plant tour even though I have been through the plant about a hundred times before. At one point during the tour, the CEO gestured to several boats on the production line that were only partially rigged with empty interior cockpits. He said, "and these boats will soon get the 'furniture' installed. Approximately three months later I visited again to meet the next new CEO.

I will get asked "Anything new you added to the boat this year?" I say, "Yeah, new outdrive & gimble assembly" I get this blank stare at me like they have no clue what im talking about :cartman: , so i say "The BIG black thing on the back of the boat" :poopoo:

Where are the brakes. An when everyone jumps off the boat with out helping tie it up ,Like set the parking brake an lets go. :poopoo:

Pulled up to the dock at marina behind what I noticed was my old boat, a little 19' bow rider. Made small talk with the owner tryin to be nice but kept thinking how trashed the boat was compared to when I owned it. He looks over at my boat and says "that things not practical is it"? Practical? Really? What boat is practical, big or small? I just walked away.

LMFAO!!! That is priceless!

Really bothers me when people call "Dock Lines or Boat lines" Rope! And calls the Fenders, Bumpers!!

Fender lizard

My favorite, is wafi. wind assisted fockin idiot... Lol
Tooner, at a bar in MD, and one of the locals was telling me he's got a 40 mph tooner, I was thinking a civic or something for the water, finally asked him, and he's like a 'toon boat, you know pontoon...
Then the least funny but inevitable in my area for some reason, you fish with that thing? I always responded, "yup, its a high speed troller, amazing what you can catch at 60 plus"

Pink Snapper..

"there's two things you can't get rid of, AIDS and a Bayliner"