OT: Limericks Anyone?
 

I'm sure most of us have heard a few good limericks in our days, so let's hear them. Be mindful that this a PG-13 rated board, so use your best judgement when writing about that fortunate man from Nantucket. ;)

I'll start out with this one. Not quite sure it's a limerick, but I remember my older brothers teaching me this one many years ago.

One bright day, in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords, and shot each other
The deaf policeman heard the noise
and came and shot these two dead boys
If you don't believe this lie is true
Ask the blindman, HE SAW IT TOO!!!


:D

There was a young man from Brighton
Who thought he'd at last found a tight 'un.
He said, "Oh my love,
It fits like a glove."
Said she, "But you're not in the right 'un."

:eek: :eek: :D :D ;)

:D :D

Laveyman,

WOW that brought back MEMORIES! My father used to tell me that one! Thanks for the trip down memory lane!:)

A winded young lass named Voghill,
Sat down to rest on a molehill.
The resident mole,
Stuck his nose in her hole.
Miss Voghill's okay, but the moles's ill.

The sea captain's tender young bride
Fell into the bay at low tide,
You could tell by her squeals,
That some of the eels,
Had discovered a dark place to hide

There was a lady who triplets begat
Nat, Pat and Tat
It was fun breeding
But trouble feeding
Cause she didn't have a tit for Tat
:rolleyes:

Tats PG right?

I read this on the bathroom wall @ Toledo Beach Marina when I was like 8 and have never forgot it:

When i was young I had no sence,
I stuck my tounge on an electic fence,
it curled my hair and tingled my balls
made me **** my overalls:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

yea I know but I was 8

Pomeroy, Our cabin boy
that dirty little nipper.
He stuffed his a$$
with chopped glass,
and circumcised the Skipper


What a mental image!!

There was once a man from Nantucket Whom had a d#$% so long he could suck it as he wiped off his chin with a dirty grin che said if my ear were a ^@#$ I'd f%#& it:rolleyes:

TTT
 

Keep em comming! These are funy as he!! :D

There once was a girl named Madonna
To all the boys she'd ask "Do yo wanna?"
Warren Beatty said no,
and called her a "HO"
Now she cries and smokes marijuana.

:D

There was a man called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a ****
But think of the money I save".

:D

The once was a young girl from Norway
Who hung by her feet from the doorway;
Which worked out quite well,
'Cause when you rang her bell,
It actually turned out to be foreplay!

:D

There once was a technician named Lil.
That took a chance on a Nuclear Pill.
They found her vagina,
in South Carolina,
and her boobs in a tree in Brazil!

:eek:

There once was a man from Bel Air,
Who was doing his girl on the stair.
When the banister broke,
He doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.

:D

There was a young girl from Cape Cod,
Who thought babies came only from God.
T'wasn't the Almighty
Who lifted her nightie.
T'was Roger the Lodger by god!

:D

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam
gently stroking his madam,
And great was his mirth
For on all of this earth
There were only two balls and he had 'em!


:D

An Argentine Gaucho named Bruno
Said Sex is one thing I do know
Women are fine
And sheep are divine
But llamas are numero uno!

:eek:

There was a young lassie named Wainright
Who enjoyed the position that a dog might
Over her shoulder she found
When she looked around
A hole new meaning for hindsight!



:eek: :eek: :eek:

There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added some vermouth
And slipped his chick a martini!
:D

A businesslike harlot named Draper
once tried an unusual caper.
What made it so nice
was you got it half-price
if you brought in her ad from the paper.
:D

A newlywed bride, Mrs. Young
asked the doctor to fix her torn lung.
When asked how it ripped
she replied as she stripped,
"That man I married is hung".

:eek:

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dong was so long he could suck it.
He walked down the street,
Just a swinging his meat.
While he carried he's balls in a bucket.

:D

There once was a man named MacGrueder
Who saw a nude and wooed her
She thought it was crude
To be wooed in the nude
But MacGrueder was shrewder and screwed her!

:D

there once was a man from crass
who's balls were made of brass
he banged them together
they played stormy weather
and lightning shot out of his ass

A nymphomaniac named Alice
Used a dynomite stick as a Phalice
They found her Vagina
In North Carolina
And half of her a$$hole in Dallas

Read this on the bathroom wall at a Pizza Place when I was a littel kid and never forgot it.

Some people come here to sit and think,
Some people come here to **** and stink.
But I come here to sit in the stall,
And read the bull**** on the wall.

From a crypt in the church of St. Giles,
Came a scream that resounded for miles!!
"My goodness gracious!" Said brother Ignatius.
"I forgot that your lordship has piles."

Very nice keep 'em coming. :D :D :D

The Pious Mahatma Gandhi
Awoke one morn with a dandy
He exclaimed to an aide,
Go get me a maid
Or a goat, or anything handy

A myopic tree surgeon named Lee
Trapped an agile young wench in a tree
Said she "Move your whopper, you careless limb lopper,
"That's a moss-covered knot-hole, NOT ME!"

:D :D

Little Boy Blew...
He needed the MONEY!

I think that's a Haiku.......:D

A Flea and a Fly in a flue
Were imprisoned so what could they do
Said the Fly let us flee
Let us fly said the Flea
So they flew through a flaw in the flue

:D

There was a young plumber from Lee
Who was plumbing his girl with great glee
She said stop plumbing
I think someone's coming
Said the Plumber still plumbing "it's me"!

There once was a man named Gene,
who invented a f*cking machine.
Concave or convex,
it would serve either sex.
But oh, what a mess to clean.

People who write on sh*t house walls,
roll their sh*t in little balls.
People who read those words of wit,
eat those little balls of sh*t.

Said Siegfried to Roy at the zoo,
"Be careful in all that you do,
Keep those lions at bay,
Or it will, I must say,
Be the first time a ***** ate you!"

Hickory Dickory Dock.
This ***** was sucking my C**k
The clock struck 2
I blew my goo
Dropped the ***** on the next block.


Georgy Porgy Puddin and Pie
Jerked off in his girlfriends eye
When her eye was dry and shut
Georgy F**ked that one eyed slut

Jack and Jill went up the hill with $1.25 each
Jill came down with $2.50.