Are you tired of all those mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks true friendship and truth itself!

Friend,

When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile, I'll know you finally got some.

When you are scared, I will tease you about it every chance I
get.

When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick, stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want what you've got.

When you fall, I will try to keep from laughing.

This is my oath, I pledge 'til the end. Why, you ask? Because
you're my friend.

And always remember:
A friend will help you move.
A really good friend will help you move a body.

EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!