Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Since this is the "General Boating Discussion" forum, I am going to make this boating related in order to avoid being cast into the less trafficked areas.

My secretary (we'll call Her "Boat"), gave me notice that she would be permanently setting sail two weeks from October 1, 2004. For those of you that are mathematically challenged, her shove-off date is this Friday, October 15, 2004. While reviewing files on Boat's computer yesterday (which computer just so happens to have most of the important data files that I use), I checked into the Internet History and saw a link to a message board. My curiosity peaked, I followed the link.

Boat started a thread lamenting the fact that she would have to train her bosses wife, "a WITCH" who she could not stand. Wifey, by virtue of the fact that she tolerates me, is more a saint than a witch. Boat thinks I am a jerk(understandable), but she then laid into my wife, accusing her of all kinds of character flaws. Boat has interacted with my wife perhaps 5 times in the two years that Boat has been my assistant. Those five meetings were for all of 30 seconds apiece, more time than it takes Stecz to practice making babies with Jen. I made the mistake of telling wifey about Boat's missives. Wifey read the thread. Wifey wants blood.

The first half of the month is very busy for me. Boat must do a lot of work to make things ship-shape. Although it has taken every ounce of compunction that I could muster, I was kind to her today and, to her credit, she is working her ass off to complete all of her work prior to Friday. I decided that as much as I wanted to pull a Donald Trump on her (YOU'RE FIRED!!!!), it would be cutting off my nose to spite my face since I need her this week. To make matters worse, there are quotes in the thread that could only have come from someone who knows Boat and lives in my house. Enter the Nanny (I know, rough life, but three kids 5 and under is a *****). Nanny (we'll call her "Dingy"), worked for me at my office with Boat a few times over the past two years to make some extra money. They obviously still talk.

Boat's new job is in a staffing agency across the hall from my office. I will see her frequently after she leaves me. That assumes, of course, that after I confront her with what I know, she feels comfortable enough to work there.

Here's where I need the power and creativity of the Board: what is the best phk you back to her? I have thought of printing out the thread and handing it her as she walks out the door on Friday. Due to Dingy's disloyalty, she is gone after Friday and I may left Boat know that she is the reason. I thought of having my wife dress up as a witch and come into the office on Friday, Boat's last day of work and the last day to train Wifey. Those are just some of the thoughts. I need creativity, some cruelty, something that only an OSO'er could think of. What say you???

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Sink your boat and your dingy, then post the thread on here. So we can reply and go along with it. even stir up more chit before Black Friday :D

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Easy. It has worked with an employee of a staffing agency in the past...

Wait a month after the boat reaches her new port at the staffing agency. Use your attorney connections to to put a bug in the ear of the staffing agency's attorney that the boat has been speaking with another attorney about suing the new port for the inappropriate advances made by the (owner's son, immediate supervisor, ship's captain, etc.) Staffing agency's attorney will be lauded by his client for saving them from a lawsuit. They will have some accounting layoffs shortly thereafter. :cool:

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Fire the frickin nanny...she's the fuel for this fire!!

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

un friggin' beliveable :eek: jerry springer show?? :D:D

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

I think I would rat out boat to dinghy and dinghy to boat. Let both of them go thinking the other one screwed them. Since they both seem to be disloyal it stands to reason they would be disloyal to each other.

BTW, my wife is looking for an executive AA position so if you're looking :cool:

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

You should have NEVER told your wife, YOU will never hear the end of it! Ever heard about the sleeping dog?? I'll come up with a revenge plot in a bit. I'm figuring out now how to phk an employee that just phked me. :mad:

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Nope, but I have heard of a sleeping snake!

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Phkynlawyer:

Hi I'm Ms. Open72 (soon to be MRS. :D ):

A word of advice from someone who has worked as a secretary for a phknlawyer.

Have you ever been alone with either boat or dingy? :rolleyes: Have you ever boarded either boat or dingy? Did two ships ever pass in the night? or day for that matter? If you answer in the affirmative maybe its best to be the "bigger ship", as hard as that might be for a phkynlawyer.

If your answer to the above is negative and both boat and dingy are as sneaky and backstabbing as they have proven themselves to be, maybe they will conspire to sink your ship!! :eek: Think about the consequences of your actions before you act. My advice: let it go. If they both continue on this path they will sink on their own.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Open, the high road is an option. I have never crossed wakes with either Dingy or Boat. When you are used to a Cigarette (Wifey), Dingies and Barges (Boat) are not the least bit tempting. Were it not for the unwarranted and viscous attacks on my wife, I could easily let it go. She can malign me till days end and I could care less. When she attacked an innocent by-stander, the high road became a far less tempting option. I still like the thought of having my wife dress up as a witch (the term Boat used to refer to my wife) when she comes in on Friday. Boat's extreme discomfort would probably be revenge enough and I would laugh my arse off.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

its damn hard but let it go...theyll sink themselves one day

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

I say let it go... let sleeping dogs lie. Women like that are the prime reason I don't have any in my life... they can put a spin on anything.... let them spin themselves into the ground. If you confront them... they will only deny it... then find a way to cause you more trouble... let it go... after all... THEY'RE WOMEN... IT'S EXPECTED. They are all harpies and nags. :eek:

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

the witch idea is funny , and is close 2 halloween , sooo , that should blow pretty good. have her come to the office and say that's this years costume :D :D

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

This should answer your question. Take the high road. She was venting on a message board where, I am assuming, your real names were not used so no real harm was done. So she didn't like you or your wife, BFD. You're not in business to make friends with your employees. I try to treat my employees fairly and want them to be happy (thinking they will work harder) but you can't please everyone. It's part of doing business. Starting a war won't get you anywhere. Consider the source and laugh it off. Just my .02.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Give us the link to the message board..... and Boat and Dingy's names.... we could have so much fun with them.... :D

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

If anything, i would make damn sure i made an appearance on her bulletin board right before she left. Use a name that would have her think it might be you, but not sure enough to bring it up. Talk about being uncomfortable.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Join the message board as a hurricane and sink the boat and dingy :D
Actually might be best not to do anything, but if you must, maybe Wifey should join the message board as Witchy, and then have some fun with them online. Also boats new employer might not like her on a message board during company time, give boat time to start being on the message board then a heads up to the new boss might be in order. Better to get boat sunk from new job than from a job she's leaving anyhow.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

People need to vent, some people do it because there is a valid reason. Others do it because they need to feel important. In my mind Boat is calling wifey witch because boat is annoyed that you never wanted to take her for a ride.

If you are cozy with the new boss then give him a copy of the message forum and ask if he needs someone of that character in his office.

Letting it rest is probably best, boat will probably go to no end to screw you over. It is interesting she is working hard for you though. If she is talking **** then why is sher making an effort to help you out.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Phknlwyr,

Funny thread!

You're gonna be in big trouble when your parents find out what you've been typing online :rolleyes:

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Baja, well written. Of course you are correct and that is the proper way to handle things. It's the fantasy of exacting revenge that is allowing me to deal with her for the next few days. Its is truly surreal to read her vitriol and then see how hard she is working and how kind she is being to me. Either she is the best actress ever or she is the loser I believe that she is, trying to elicit sympathy from her group of friends that frequent the site where she posted.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

This thread helps my boating knowledge for sure.
Good luck.
AND NEVER Chit where you eat!

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Phknlwyr: Mrs. Law here. Brett ran into a similar "boat" last year. Brett had hired a new "boat" who, unfortunately, misrepresented herself on her resume. After about eight months, when Brett was missing court because she couldn't schedule, clients were getting arrested because she was not filing the proper documents and deadlines were being missed, it became clear that she didn't have a clue as to what she was doing (I don't understand why it took Brett that long, so don't ask!) The best part was that she had a plaque made for her desk which read "Legal Specialist". Anyway, one weekend, a friend of mine and I (we are both paralegals) went into Brett's office and went through all the files. We tried to do as much as we could to catch up, but some things we just had to leave notes on the files and leave them on her desk. Well, it was like the Leaning Tower of Pisa by the time it was all said and done.

The following Monday she comes into work to find all this crap on her desk and it was clear she was not impressed. When she left for lunch, Brett was trying to zip the vital files in her computer so she would not do anything to them. He, like you Phkn, got curious and started snooping around the history and e-mails. The history revealed that all she ever did at work was shop (she was overpaid) and her e-mails revealed a message to a friend about how much of a ***** I was to come into her work space and order her to do things, and who the hell did I think I was worrying about her job when I had my own job. (as if I wanted to spend my weekend doing her work) Brett printed the e-mail and when she got back from lunch he asked her to come into his office. She told him she couldn't right then, knowing that he would have to leave soon for Court. After she refused to speak with him, he came by my office on the way to court and brought me the e-mail. He didn't want to leave the situation the way it was and frankly, he just wanted her gone, but didn't have time to say "You're Fired". So, I marched my ass down there and very calmly told her that I knew she was upset about the work I had done over the weekend but that Brett was really disappointed in her performance and I went down the laundry list of things she had done incorrectly. She denied being upset and that is when I pulled out the e-mail. At which point I told her that Brett also didn't appreciate her using his time to write personal e-mails and to shop. Her jaw dropped and she was left speechless. I calmly told her that none of us should continue to suffer and that it was best for her to go.

If I were you, (or your wife) I could never let it go. Cuda is right, if I had not had the satisfaction of cutting the ropes on Brett's boat, then the frustration would have eaten me alive and Brett would have never heard the end of it. I think the best thing to do is just sit down with her on Friday and tell her how much you appreciate the hard work she did this week, but you don't appreciate the thing she wrote in the thread (and then hand it to her). She will be left a feeling of shame and guilt. If you do something really outrageous, you and your wife might be the ones feeling guilty and ashamed in a few months when the anger wears off.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

I agree. This way you are still taking the high road but confronting the issue, which is probably necassary. If it's been awhile since she wrote the email nobody said you have to tell her how long you have known, then it really looks like you took the high road for awhile.

As for the nanny...I would fire her and hand her the thread. Tell her that you don't appreciate giving her the opportunity to make extra money and her repaying you by creating more discontent in your office.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

well like they say, the two happiest days in an owners life is the day he gets the "boat" and the day he gets rid of the "boat". Just sit back and enjoy the fact that someone else will have to make the "boat" seaworthy. Go out and buy "wifey" an nice dinner :drink:

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Mrs. Hartley:

Very sage advice. Jill was up at 4am today and could not go back to sleep because this was on her mind. I think that Jill needs the closure and that having her present the thread to Boat nee Barge will be a fine way to end things. Ah..the power of OSO.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

A wise man once showed me www.dogdoo.com :drink: :drink:

Seriously with all the phkn lawsuits going on over employees now you DO NOT want to get into a pissing contest with her. My wife is a HR Manager for Johnson and Johnson and you would not believe some of the things that employees do. Consider yourself lucky and that she is gone, you do not have to pay for unemployeement, and she is some one elses problem. J+J has to go through about 50 freeking steps to get rid of people. I keep telling her that I can go down and take care of business for her :D:D. You do not have empoyees to be your friends. Who cares if she hates you and your wife AS LONG as she did a good job. I always tried to be a friend to my empoyees and all it did was get them to take advantage of me being nice. SO I FIRED THEM ALL :D:D

Good luck and just be glad she is out of your life now.

Jon

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Well said. You must be the voice of reason in your house. :)

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

I agree with d-hlaw. Best of both worlds.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

How stupid can this boat be? She works for a phknlwyr and leaves a document trail of her misdoings. On the mother ship pc of all places. I recommend both Mr. and Mrs. Phknlwyr should sit down with large barge on Friday and hand her the thread. Tell her to consider her scuppers lucky for not being fired and black listed in the entire Chesapeake boating area.

As for the Nanny, she can go to hell in a bayliner!

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

The witch costume, albeit funny - especially for this time of year, might be a little over the top.

Definitely print the thread and make sure she has it in her closing package of paperwork she probably has to sign before leaving. If you want to be creative, grade it. Comment on grammar, spelling and overall content. Both of you.

The final gotcha would be make sure the boat knows the new harbor master she'll be dealing with at her new port knows 100% of what went on. Infer it in conversation or come right out and say, but that alone should reverse the sleeplessness from you guys to her.

One last thing: GO RED SOX!!! :drink: :drink: :drink:

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

I would invite both the Dingy and the Boat out to lunch with The Happy Phknlyr Couple. You do not want this going down at either the office, or the home. A pleasant yet calm lunch where both of them are separately invited, and show up. Best yet, (at risk they will converse and know something is up), Mrs. Phknlyr takes out the Dingy and Mr. Phknlyr takes out the Boat, and they all meet at the same restaurant. During these lunches you will have other assistance in making sure all of the personal items of each Vessel are neatly packed to not require either Vessel to return to their former Port. If such action is needed, it shall only by allowed under escort of a Harbor Pilot.

During your lunch 'dates', enjoy feeding them their Crow.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

I believe that a good combination of the suggestions made by Mr. Love Machine and Mr. Damdonzi are in order here. A closing consult for Boat, with both you and Mrs. Lawyer, would put a resounding close to the situation for all involved. And by all means, please provide any correction to her posting as needed. Also, be sure to indicate to her that you feel compelled to make her new employer aware of her professional practices as a form of reference for her.

As for the Dingy, again, a meeting of the three of you is imperative. Inform her that you fully expect that anything said in the privacy of your own home remain private and since she is unable to comply, she is unable to remain in your employ. When the protesting begins, as it will, be sure to enlighten her to the manner in which her disclosures were used. Make her aware that that sort of disloyalty and disrespect will not be tolerated and that her services are no longer needed. And that her lack of good judgement are resulting in a lack of notice and severance on your part. Please don't forget to add that in light of the situation, you will absolutely not be able to give her a favorable reference for possible future employers.

After all, one good phkn deserves another. Or two, as the case may be.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Do nothing. paitence....the right oportunity will present itself. Then strike like a mako shark.

Maximuss

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

I'd let her go quietly to the new port. In about two weeks I'd take the thread, put it in a bottle and throw it into the water letting it float over to the new port and into the hands of the new captain.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

YOU CAN NOT TELL HER OR ANY OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT SHE DID!!!! If you do you will be hearing from her phknlwr and it will not be good for you. If some one ever calls for a reference you are technically ONLY allowed to say she worked for me from time x to time y. Large companies ussually have a division that handles JUST this. Technically you can not even say that they were great employees...... Go figure.....

Jon

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

How about signing on to the message board and posting a reply saying that you are her boss and that you know who she is.. She won't know for sure if it is really you or not, but it will make her feel pretty unconfortable..

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Of course there is the cure all. Get on your speedboat with the Mrs., rev the engines really high (no silent choice) and do the wild thing on the sun pad. All the while both of you (at the same time) yell obscenities at the two phkn boats. :drink:

Oh yeah!

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

Meanwhile the Lawyer is disguising his post to misrepresent what the thread is about. This in order to suit HIS NEEDS

He twisted it to his advantage and post it, not in the Off Topic section, but admits that he has to disguse it to put it in an area he knows is not appropriate for his story

what if OSO reads this ??

should the Board gods sink the whole damn shipyard ???
Boat is out of line!! But the Captain is not setting a good example for the on looking sailors by sailing into the wrong harbor in order to get a bigger audiance to watch him make boat walk the gang plank

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

BoatMe, there are no misrepresentations. The truth is far more surreal. I have indeed heard from the Gods and, after pleading my case, they have agreed to allow me very little additional time to receive advice from the members in this section of the shipyard. I have received plenty of excellent advice from the members of this marina and will scuttle this ship in due course. There was never a desire to garner attention to watch Boat walk the plank. On the contrary, there are patrons with excellent experience in all different areas and I sought (and received) the advice I was seeking. I promise, you shall have your blessed GD turf back to you, employment issue free, in no time.

Re: Need Help With My "Boat"
 

I don't know about your labor laws but here, if you confronted her with it on company time, she could sue you for workplace harassement. If you told her new employer about it and he confronted her in any negative way, she could sue you or at the very least bring major headaches your way. Same goes for the nanny. My suggestion to you would be to just let her leave, then post a new message to her on the message board that you know about what has been said and you are truely disappointed in her and thought her of higher character but were obviously mistaken. Remember, her friends will read it too.:) Have your wife read the message in question to the nanny and then read your message to her as well. She will probably hang herself right then and there.