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Need Help With My "Boat"

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Old 10-12-2004, 07:27 PM
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Default Need Help With My "Boat"

Since this is the "General Boating Discussion" forum, I am going to make this boating related in order to avoid being cast into the less trafficked areas.

My secretary (we'll call Her "Boat"), gave me notice that she would be permanently setting sail two weeks from October 1, 2004. For those of you that are mathematically challenged, her shove-off date is this Friday, October 15, 2004. While reviewing files on Boat's computer yesterday (which computer just so happens to have most of the important data files that I use), I checked into the Internet History and saw a link to a message board. My curiosity peaked, I followed the link.

Boat started a thread lamenting the fact that she would have to train her bosses wife, "a WITCH" who she could not stand. Wifey, by virtue of the fact that she tolerates me, is more a saint than a witch. Boat thinks I am a jerk(understandable), but she then laid into my wife, accusing her of all kinds of character flaws. Boat has interacted with my wife perhaps 5 times in the two years that Boat has been my assistant. Those five meetings were for all of 30 seconds apiece, more time than it takes Stecz to practice making babies with Jen. I made the mistake of telling wifey about Boat's missives. Wifey read the thread. Wifey wants blood.

The first half of the month is very busy for me. Boat must do a lot of work to make things ship-shape. Although it has taken every ounce of compunction that I could muster, I was kind to her today and, to her credit, she is working her ass off to complete all of her work prior to Friday. I decided that as much as I wanted to pull a Donald Trump on her (YOU'RE FIRED!!!!), it would be cutting off my nose to spite my face since I need her this week. To make matters worse, there are quotes in the thread that could only have come from someone who knows Boat and lives in my house. Enter the Nanny (I know, rough life, but three kids 5 and under is a *****). Nanny (we'll call her "Dingy"), worked for me at my office with Boat a few times over the past two years to make some extra money. They obviously still talk.

Boat's new job is in a staffing agency across the hall from my office. I will see her frequently after she leaves me. That assumes, of course, that after I confront her with what I know, she feels comfortable enough to work there.

Here's where I need the power and creativity of the Board: what is the best phk you back to her? I have thought of printing out the thread and handing it her as she walks out the door on Friday. Due to Dingy's disloyalty, she is gone after Friday and I may left Boat know that she is the reason. I thought of having my wife dress up as a witch and come into the office on Friday, Boat's last day of work and the last day to train Wifey. Those are just some of the thoughts. I need creativity, some cruelty, something that only an OSO'er could think of. What say you???
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Old 10-12-2004, 07:41 PM
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Default Re: Need Help With My "Boat"

Sink your boat and your dingy, then post the thread on here. So we can reply and go along with it. even stir up more chit before Black Friday
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Old 10-12-2004, 07:42 PM
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Default Re: Need Help With My "Boat"

Easy. It has worked with an employee of a staffing agency in the past...

Wait a month after the boat reaches her new port at the staffing agency. Use your attorney connections to to put a bug in the ear of the staffing agency's attorney that the boat has been speaking with another attorney about suing the new port for the inappropriate advances made by the (owner's son, immediate supervisor, ship's captain, etc.) Staffing agency's attorney will be lauded by his client for saving them from a lawsuit. They will have some accounting layoffs shortly thereafter.
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Old 10-12-2004, 07:48 PM
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Default Re: Need Help With My "Boat"

Fire the frickin nanny...she's the fuel for this fire!!
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Old 10-12-2004, 08:18 PM
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Default Re: Need Help With My "Boat"

un friggin' beliveable jerry springer show??
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Old 10-12-2004, 08:25 PM
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Default Re: Need Help With My "Boat"

I think I would rat out boat to dinghy and dinghy to boat. Let both of them go thinking the other one screwed them. Since they both seem to be disloyal it stands to reason they would be disloyal to each other.

BTW, my wife is looking for an executive AA position so if you're looking
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Old 10-12-2004, 08:25 PM
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Default Re: Need Help With My "Boat"

You should have NEVER told your wife, YOU will never hear the end of it! Ever heard about the sleeping dog?? I'll come up with a revenge plot in a bit. I'm figuring out now how to phk an employee that just phked me.
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Old 10-12-2004, 08:37 PM
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Default Re: Need Help With My "Boat"

Quote:
Originally Posted by cuda
Ever heard about the sleeping dog?? .
Nope, but I have heard of a sleeping snake!
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Old 10-12-2004, 08:39 PM
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Default Re: Need Help With My "Boat"

Phkynlawyer:

Hi I'm Ms. Open72 (soon to be MRS. ):

A word of advice from someone who has worked as a secretary for a phknlawyer.

Have you ever been alone with either boat or dingy? Have you ever boarded either boat or dingy? Did two ships ever pass in the night? or day for that matter? If you answer in the affirmative maybe its best to be the "bigger ship", as hard as that might be for a phkynlawyer.

If your answer to the above is negative and both boat and dingy are as sneaky and backstabbing as they have proven themselves to be, maybe they will conspire to sink your ship!! Think about the consequences of your actions before you act. My advice: let it go. If they both continue on this path they will sink on their own.
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Old 10-12-2004, 08:44 PM
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Default Re: Need Help With My "Boat"

Open, the high road is an option. I have never crossed wakes with either Dingy or Boat. When you are used to a Cigarette (Wifey), Dingies and Barges (Boat) are not the least bit tempting. Were it not for the unwarranted and viscous attacks on my wife, I could easily let it go. She can malign me till days end and I could care less. When she attacked an innocent by-stander, the high road became a far less tempting option. I still like the thought of having my wife dress up as a witch (the term Boat used to refer to my wife) when she comes in on Friday. Boat's extreme discomfort would probably be revenge enough and I would laugh my arse off.
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