NE-Section "JOKE THREAD"
09-13-2012, 01:50 PM
#32
Registered
Low battery ...
A man saved his mistress' phone number on his mobile as "LOW BATTERY".
Whenever she calls him in his absence, his blonde wife takes
the phone and plugs it to the charger.
Give that man a medal !
Whenever she calls him in his absence, his blonde wife takes
the phone and plugs it to the charger.
Give that man a medal !
09-17-2012, 01:54 PM
#33
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: CT, FL
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12-21-2012, 01:17 PM
#35
Registered
A letter to santa
Dear Santa, How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone from the reindeer to the elves is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 and an iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day. Merry Christmas,Timmy Jones
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Dear Timmy, Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with. Merry Christmas,Santa Claus
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Mr. Claus, Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jab at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite? Respectfully,Tim Jones
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Mr. Jones, While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that on most days looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin. Very Truly Yours,S Claus
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Now look here Fat Man, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me, I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat a** and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN! T - Bone
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Listen, Pizza Face, Seriously??? You think a dude who breaks into every house in the world in one night and never gets caught, sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal? I got your s*** wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to do some serious stomping. Chew on that, Petunia.
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Dear Santa, Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything. Timmy
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Timmy, That's what I thought, you little ba***rd. Santa
AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL !!!
CRASH-BOX
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Dear Timmy, Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with. Merry Christmas,Santa Claus
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Mr. Claus, Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jab at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite? Respectfully,Tim Jones
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Mr. Jones, While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that on most days looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin. Very Truly Yours,S Claus
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Now look here Fat Man, I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me, I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat a** and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN! T - Bone
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Listen, Pizza Face, Seriously??? You think a dude who breaks into every house in the world in one night and never gets caught, sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal? I got your s*** wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to do some serious stomping. Chew on that, Petunia.
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Dear Santa, Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything. Timmy
=-=-=-=-=-=-= Timmy, That's what I thought, you little ba***rd. Santa
AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL !!!
CRASH-BOX
