Political Correctness - My first humor contribution to OSO
01-25-2002 | 11:27 AM
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Political Correctness - My first humor contribution to OSO
HOW TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN and STILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT
She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE
She is not HALF-NAKED - She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METABOLICALLY OVERBURDENED
She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES
She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION
She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT
She is not KINKY - She is a NON INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is GRAVITY RESISTANT
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HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN and STILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY
He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN
He doesn't GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He investigates ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS
He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICULAR REGRESSION
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
He does not get FALLING DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION
He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY
He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES - He has an INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MEMENT
He is not AFFRAID OF COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT
She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE
She is not HALF-NAKED - She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METABOLICALLY OVERBURDENED
She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES
She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION
She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT
She is not KINKY - She is a NON INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is GRAVITY RESISTANT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW TO TALK ABOUT MEN and STILL BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY
He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN
He doesn't GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He investigates ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS
He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICULAR REGRESSION
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
He does not get FALLING DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION
He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY
He does not UNDRESS YOU WITH HIS EYES - He has an INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MEMENT
He is not AFFRAID OF COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
