You Know It Is Hot and Dry in Texas, When :

• the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
• potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
• Texas farmers start feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
• Texas cows are giving evaporated milk.
• you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
• you can say 113° without fainting.
• you can make instant sun tea.
• you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
• the temperature drops below 95°, you feel a bit chilly.
• you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
• in July and August, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
• the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
• you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
• you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
• you have to barbecue after midnight so that you will have a chance to get some smoke flavor before the meat overcooks.
• you've had condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
• then there was the Texan that once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it -- but for my 7-year-old."

Texas is so hot . . . It scares hurricanes away