A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly noticed that there were
several cabs, and I was in the wrong one. DR. MARK MACDONALD, SAN
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
DR. RICHARD BYRNES, SEATTLE, WA.
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
"massive internal fart." DR. SUSAN STEINBERG, MANITOBA, CA.
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both
eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
DR. MATTHEW THEODROPOLOUS, WORCESTER, MA.
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put
new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I
him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes,
had over fifty patches on his body. Now the instructions include
the old patch before applying a new one. DR. REBECCA ST. CLAIR,
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered...."Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was
DR. STEVEN SWANSON, CORVALLIS, OR.
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked
see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
DR. LEONARD KRANSDORF, DETROIT, MI.
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment, he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady
whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and
embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm
sorry,. was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you
whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'"
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