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Somethings That Are Bouncing Around In My Head

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Old 08-09-2002, 12:05 AM
  #1
packinair
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Default Somethings That Are Bouncing Around In My Head

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
> > several times,
> > does he become disoriented?
> >
> > 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't
> > people from
> > Holland called Holes?
> >
> > 3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a
> > whack?
> >
> > 4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
> > adultery?
> >
> > 5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
> >
> > 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
> >
> > 7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts"
> > and you put your
> > two cents in ..... what happens to the other penny?
> >
> > 8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a
> > broker?
> >
> > 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't
> > they just stale
> > bread to begin with?
> >
> > 10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it
> > say?
> >
> > 11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a
> > pianist but a person
> > who drives a racecar not called a racist?
> >
> > 12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposite?
> >
> > 13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
> >
> > 14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
> >
> > 15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the
> > English language.
> > Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
> >
> > 16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
> > doesn't it follow
> > that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
> > cowboys deranged,
> > models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry
> > cleaners depressed?
> >
> > 17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call
> > it Fed UP?
> >
> > 18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
> >
> > 19. What hair color do they put on the driver's
> > licenses of bald men?
> >
> > 20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the
> > Bible a whole lot
> > more as they get older; then it dawned on me . .
> > .they're cramming for their
> > final exam.
> >
> > 21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with
> > tiny little
> > spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers
> > use? Toothpicks?
> >
> > 22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the
> > Post Office?
> > What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't
> > they just put their
> > pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look
> > for them while
> > they deliver the mail?
> >
> > 23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then
> > what exactly are
> > the others here for?
> >
> > 24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to
> > drive.
> >
> > 25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their
> > team is winning.
> >
> > 26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be
> > if it didn't
> > zigzag?
> >
> > 27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
> > The mime next door
> > went nuts.
> >
> > 28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
> >
> > 29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
> >
> > 30. Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
> > bottles of Evian
> > water know that spelling it backwards is NAIVE?
> >
> > 31. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant
> > like making a peeing
> > section in a swimming pool?
> >
> > 32. OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as
> > the "Jags" and the
> > Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what
> > does that make the
> > Tennessee Titans ?
> >
> > 33. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does
> > that mean the fifth
> > one enjoys it?
 
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Old 08-09-2002, 10:07 AM
  #2
packinair
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Old 08-12-2002, 05:51 PM
  #3
Centsless
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Just sittin at work laughin my butt off at your list .... thanx for the grin!!
 
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Old 08-12-2002, 06:25 PM
  #4
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Old 08-12-2002, 06:47 PM
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*I don't object to my wife having the last word -- if only she'd get to it.
*Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe and Asia.
*Why does a woman work for years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?
*Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way and the other is to let her have it.
*Don't marry a man to reform him -- that's what reform schools are for.
*An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have -- the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
*When you're in love, it's the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.
*My husband is German -- every night I get dressed up like Poland and he invades me.
*The same time that women came up with PMS, men came up with ESPN.
*Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage.
*Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection and a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.
*The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him.
*The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
*Just be considerate, accept each other for what you are, and don't point out that the hair he's losing on his head is now growing out of his nose -- and his ears.
*Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
*Love is what happens to men and women who don't know each other.
*I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
*Two people can live as cheaply as one. For half as long.
*Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "You're only interested in one thing!" and you can't remember what it is.
*You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a pot belly and a bald spot.
*We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations -- we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
*If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
*In some countries being president is just an honorary position -- like being a husband in Hollywood.
*I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property".
*Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
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