B.O.-

If you like your healthcare plan you can keep it...

If you like your doctor you can keep them..

The new plan will save the average house hold 2500.00 a year...

I have a 50 50 guarantee, if I break it you can have both pieces.

Its hotter then a 4 pecker billy goat in a pepper patch

Its hotter than 2 rats fu(king in a wool sock

Sweating like a whore in church

My $hit fart separator isn't working

Its raining like a bull pissing on a flat rock

he's drunker than 10 indians

When someone tells me anything is possible, I tell them they can stretch a nats a$$ across a wheelbarrow

He couldn't find his own ass with his hands

"We were running 100 in 15' seas!"
NOAH reports water conditions for the date and area 3 to 4 ft seas all day

You only need two things in life, WD-40 to make things go, and Duct tape to make things stop.

Just rub some dirt on it.

Its not herpes if its everywhere. :evilb:.

"It's so flat I can watch my dog run away for 3 days" (Midwest area (Kansas, Missouri, Iowa)

If it doesn't fit get a bigger hammer

If it doesn't fit get a bigger hammer
They look like two monkeys F**king a football

Uglier than a hat full of azzholes
Uglier than a sack of dicks
stouter than bears breath
I'm too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work
If it weren't for Black&Decker, General Motors and pu$$y, I'd be a millionaire
ficked up as a soup sandwich

You could break an anvil in a sandbox

Nice toyota truck, does it come in His

Work your fingers to the bone and what do you get? Boney fingers

start it up,,,,and blow the suds out of it

Fastest way for your boat to become a total pain in the azz and complete beatch is to name it and refer to it as 'she.' You just gave it (a non living object) a personality dumbass.

Don't be picky i wasn't ? It was a great line at the bars in College to handle rejection from the ladies. Usually you got told to F--K OFF or slapped ...

but it brought great laughs.

RD

When someone asked you to give them a ride. F|_|ck you Miss. Dasiey!

My favorite bar line - This one and a couple more and I'm outa here.

Universal torque spec = 1/4 turn before breakage.

My favorite and most used , Go fu$k yourself . :cool:

No good deed shall go unpunished.

And that was the crossroads where 2 fools met...............

When you see a hot chick we say, I would tongue punch her fart box

and ugly chick we say, I rather jerk*** with a cheese grater

The word on the street is. ....

When viewing a hot broad "She has a lot of talent"

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose and sometimes it rains

From Bull Durham

When arguing with the missus- "you're not the only one with a nice rack and a crock-pot."

When talking with buds about a break-up- "unless it tasted like ice cream and was velvet lined, it can be replaced."

And when $hit goes sideways- "I'll take luck over skill any day... Never seen an obituary that mentioned how lucky somebody was."

People like you make me wish I had more middle fingers

When I'm head deep in the engine compartment or doing some other laborious chore on the boat: "Wonder what the rich boaters are doing right now?"

"The only thing that works on an old boat is the owner."

When someone trys to sell you a line of crap , I was born at night but not last night.

You cant look at both sides at the same time.

Flower goes in the front big guy.

I manage a lot of employee's.. Sometimes they act like lil kids and complain something's not going their way and threaten to quit!

My response, " I accept, do you have any personal belongs to get before I walk you out?"

Then you start to hear them pleading and trying to talk their way back into their job and realize they just quit, I.e no unemployment then the anger phase starts.. Funny sh!t!!!

I always consider myself a bit of a bull****er, but I always enjoy listening to an expert. So please continue.

This was about 10 years ago . and I just saw it on a Bumper sticker not to long ago.

I am a very very easy to get along passive kind of guy . But one night me and the Coast Guard s finest 10 year olds decided to have it out.

When I knew my rationalizing has become pointless and we were heading back to the CG station and our voyage had been Terminated..

Also the 10 year old with the gun threatened to put me in cuffs on our own boat because I would not sit down as they pulled us side to side in 4 foot waves with us on the weather side taking the beating.

So when he told me to sit down or he was going to cuff me I stood up and said

Phuk you you Phukin Phuk

and than sat down .

My gf at the time and her hot gf teased me about that for years..

Needless to say when we got back to the station and I had a little talk with the big guy we left in our own boat very soon after.

My other saying forever and everybody would tease me about it because I am the mechanic in the bunch.

It'll be Fiiinnnneeeee

I'm gettin screwed.....and not in the warm, squishy way either!

Pain Heals, Chicks Dig Scars...Glory Last Forever!

Delivering an eye opener..."Think he's a good guy? He's killed more people than cancer. Smarten up"

Lead, Follow or get the *F*** out of the way.
Better a blow job than no job.

When I get griped out by someone for not answering my phone: "Dude, I don't spend my hard earned money on a phone so people can call me, I spend my hard earned money on a phone so I can call other people".

Like Nailit, I enjoy a good employee standoff---my response is: "I'll fire you so fast we'll have to mail your purse to you!"

Now, I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard this from me........

Don't speak about it. Be about it.

Nothing to it but to do it.

I am making diamonds out of dog $#1T.

Work smarter not harder.

I work for a LTD company and when some messes up I like to point out that they put the "limited" in our company.