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OT: Funny "Lawyers"

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Old 01-30-2003, 11:59 AM
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Default OT: Funny "Lawyers"

Lawyers
>
>
>
> 1. The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps.
> They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't
> figure out which side to spit on.
>
> 2. How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future
> lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
>
> 3. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then
> he lies on the other.
>
> 4. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true
> stories.
>
> 5. How many lawyers does it take to change a light
> bulb? How many can you afford?
>
> 6. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three.
> One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder
> company.
>
> 7. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could
> save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
>
> 8. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.
>
> 9. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
>
> 10. What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
>
> 11. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor.
>
> 12. What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
>
> 13. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.
>
> 14. What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
> Nothing. There are some things that even a pig won't do.
>
> 15. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
> The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
>
> 16. What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
> Removable wing tips.
>
> 17. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while
> New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first
> choice.
>
> 18. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer
> with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton
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Old 01-30-2003, 01:33 PM
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Old 01-30-2003, 02:51 PM
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In defense of my occupation and fellow lawyers, I say...uh...um....well...er...Look over there! It's a unicorn!
(run out the back door).
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Old 01-30-2003, 03:28 PM
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I'll agree to #11 and 18 ...on the rest I plead the 5th....at the present time my lawyer is " THE MAN "

What's up Phk-er , where ya been hiding?
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Old 01-30-2003, 03:52 PM
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I LOVED the last one!
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Old 01-30-2003, 04:36 PM
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It's mountain biking season so I have been hiding on www.mtbr.com the mountain bikers version of OSO. Did you defeat the zoning nazi's yet?
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Old 01-30-2003, 04:39 PM
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Funny how this comes up after me spending 1/2 my afternoon on the phone with a courthouse in New Jersey and a thieving law firm called Pressler and Pressler from New Jersey. They look for someone who wrote a bad check to Barrys Discount Liquors in 1999 that happens to have the same name as my wifes maiden name from 13 years ago and take the path of least resistance by getting a judgement against her.

Even the woman I spoke with at the courthouse said "they are a law firm that handles nothing but collections and they do not stop until they get there money". Which in our case means even if it is from the wrong person. They got a judgement it doesn't matter who pays!

A$$ Holes
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