The truth about Keith Eickert
06-19-2003 | 11:28 AM
#74
Registered
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 3,356
Likes: 0
From: Deeee-troit!
Q: What do you call a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?
A: A good start.
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Little Johnny said, ""Everybody in my family follows the medical profession. They're all lawyers."
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An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
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Q: How do you define double jeopardy?
A: When a lawyer calls in her partner.
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Q:What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.
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Q: What is the definition of a lawyer?
A: A mouth with a life-support system.
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Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A: A whine cellar.
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A group of professional men had finished a day's hunt and were relaxing around the fire. Their hunting dogs occupied a clearing nearby. One of the men observed that it was remarkable how the dogs had acquired the traits of their owners.
The musician's dog was softly howling strains of the Moonlight sonata. The engineer's dog was using his paw to perform calculations in the dust.
The lawyer's dog was screwing all the rest.
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Out of towner: Any criminal lawyers in this town?
Local: Yes. But none of them are in jail.
---------------
A former lawyer applied to a government contractor for a job. The contractor asked him what he could do. "I'll be a consultant," the lawyer said.
"We have enough consultants," the contractor said.
"I know all about what's going on in government," the lawyer said. "I'll be an advisor."
"We have enough advisors," the contractor said.
By now the lawyer was becoming a little desperate. "Look," he said, "I'm not overly proud. I'll help you with paperwork, sort of like a clerk."
"Sorry," said the contractor. "We have more than enough clerks.
With that the lawyer got upset. Jumping to his feet, he turned toward the door and shouted, "Well, to work for you, I'd have to be a low-down, double-dealing SOB anyhow."
"You didn't say you were a lawyer!" exclaimed the contractor. "Do sit down."
----------------
A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they'll have something to spend over there."
They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same.
The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.
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A famous lawyer found himself at heaven's gates confronting St. Peter. He protested that it was all a mistake: he was only 49 and far too young to be dead.
"That's odd," said St. Peter, "according to the hours you've billed you're 119 years old."
---------------
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn’t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, “Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.” And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.
------------
The advantage of having a brother who's a lawyer - I get all the good (and bad) lawyer jokes!
A: A good start.
----------
Little Johnny said, ""Everybody in my family follows the medical profession. They're all lawyers."
-----------
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
-------------
Q: How do you define double jeopardy?
A: When a lawyer calls in her partner.
-------------
Q:What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.
--------------
Q: What is the definition of a lawyer?
A: A mouth with a life-support system.
--------------
Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A: A whine cellar.
--------------
A group of professional men had finished a day's hunt and were relaxing around the fire. Their hunting dogs occupied a clearing nearby. One of the men observed that it was remarkable how the dogs had acquired the traits of their owners.
The musician's dog was softly howling strains of the Moonlight sonata. The engineer's dog was using his paw to perform calculations in the dust.
The lawyer's dog was screwing all the rest.
----------------
Out of towner: Any criminal lawyers in this town?
Local: Yes. But none of them are in jail.
---------------
A former lawyer applied to a government contractor for a job. The contractor asked him what he could do. "I'll be a consultant," the lawyer said.
"We have enough consultants," the contractor said.
"I know all about what's going on in government," the lawyer said. "I'll be an advisor."
"We have enough advisors," the contractor said.
By now the lawyer was becoming a little desperate. "Look," he said, "I'm not overly proud. I'll help you with paperwork, sort of like a clerk."
"Sorry," said the contractor. "We have more than enough clerks.
With that the lawyer got upset. Jumping to his feet, he turned toward the door and shouted, "Well, to work for you, I'd have to be a low-down, double-dealing SOB anyhow."
"You didn't say you were a lawyer!" exclaimed the contractor. "Do sit down."
----------------
A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they'll have something to spend over there."
They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same.
The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.
--------------
A famous lawyer found himself at heaven's gates confronting St. Peter. He protested that it was all a mistake: he was only 49 and far too young to be dead.
"That's odd," said St. Peter, "according to the hours you've billed you're 119 years old."
---------------
A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn’t want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, “Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.” And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.
------------
The advantage of having a brother who's a lawyer - I get all the good (and bad) lawyer jokes!
06-19-2003 | 12:57 PM
#78
Registered
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 6,636
Likes: 0
From: Bucyrus, Ohio
Why don't you tell us what REALLY happened between you and Keith, eh? That was HIS company, HE built it, and now YOU have it. Wasup with that? [/B][/QUOTE]
Yeah, what Catman said!!
Actually, who cares. Why does this keep being brought up, and why is everyone so concerned with it?
Dockrocker rules!
Yeah, what Catman said!!
Actually, who cares. Why does this keep being brought up, and why is everyone so concerned with it?
Dockrocker rules!
06-19-2003 | 03:12 PM
#80
Platinum Member
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 2,123
Likes: 1
From: Manahawkin, NJ
"With regards to company issues, we will issue formalized statements as we get further through our re-organizational efforts. We are hoping that all parties can prevail in a positive ,WIN-WIN situation."
That sounds exactly like what upper management says where I work, right before another round of lay-offs.
That sounds exactly like what upper management says where I work, right before another round of lay-offs.
