NE-Section "JOKE THREAD"
03-22-2012 | 03:57 PM
#21
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 484
Likes: 3
From: New Jersey / Florida
Not a "JOKE" , still freak'n funny over there ....
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/b7e...eatured_videos
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/b7e...eatured_videos
04-26-2012 | 09:22 PM
#22
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 484
Likes: 3
From: New Jersey / Florida
The Italian Wedding Test = Priceless!
THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside,all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside,all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
04-27-2012 | 01:21 PM
#23
Thread Starter
VIP Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,988
Likes: 1
From: CT, FL
THE ITALIAN WEDDING TEST
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside,all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside,all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.
NOW THATS GREAT! ha
04-27-2012 | 02:27 PM
#24
Registered
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 4,811
Likes: 893
Sal Wallerstein was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the
second.
On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf.
He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting
a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant....
Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!"
"While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care."
The man broke down and sobbed.
The doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just f@c#ing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"
second.
On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in an accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf.
He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting
a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant....
Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!"
"While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care."
The man broke down and sobbed.
The doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just f@c#ing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"
05-19-2012 | 01:21 AM
#26
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,998
Likes: 127
From: Lees Summit ~ LOTO 10MM
WELCOME TO TEXAS.
Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled:
“Survivor, Texas-Style!”
The 8 contestants will all start in Dallas, drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, then over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene and Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Prius with bumper stickers that read:
1 “ I'm a Democrat”
2 “Amnesty for Illegals”
3 “I love the Dixie Chicks”
4 “Boycott Beef”
5 “I Voted for Obama”
6 “George Strait Sucks”
7 “Reelect Obama in 2012”
and...
8 “I'm here to confiscate your guns”
Anyone that makes it back to Dallas alive wins.
Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled:
“Survivor, Texas-Style!”
The 8 contestants will all start in Dallas, drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, then over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene and Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Prius with bumper stickers that read:
1 “ I'm a Democrat”
2 “Amnesty for Illegals”
3 “I love the Dixie Chicks”
4 “Boycott Beef”
5 “I Voted for Obama”
6 “George Strait Sucks”
7 “Reelect Obama in 2012”
and...
8 “I'm here to confiscate your guns”
Anyone that makes it back to Dallas alive wins.
05-19-2012 | 01:54 PM
#27
Registered
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 484
Likes: 3
From: New Jersey / Florida
WELCOME TO TEXAS.
Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled:
“Survivor, Texas-Style!”
The 8 contestants will all start in Dallas, drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, then over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene and Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Prius with bumper stickers that read:
1 “ I'm a Democrat”
2 “Amnesty for Illegals”
3 “I love the Dixie Chicks”
4 “Boycott Beef”
5 “I Voted for Obama”
6 “George Strait Sucks”
7 “Reelect Obama in 2012”
and...
8 “I'm here to confiscate your guns”
Anyone that makes it back to Dallas alive wins.
Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled:
“Survivor, Texas-Style!”
The 8 contestants will all start in Dallas, drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, then over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene and Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Prius with bumper stickers that read:
1 “ I'm a Democrat”
2 “Amnesty for Illegals”
3 “I love the Dixie Chicks”
4 “Boycott Beef”
5 “I Voted for Obama”
6 “George Strait Sucks”
7 “Reelect Obama in 2012”
and...
8 “I'm here to confiscate your guns”
Anyone that makes it back to Dallas alive wins.
