"60% of the time, it works Every Time." I always like to use that one when someone asks me if their boat is fixed.

If you're lookin for sympathy, its in the dictionary between $h!t and SYPHILIS.

My $h!t always works sometimes.

Any powerboat.....Hey, Nice Cigarette!

at work "if it jams, force it, if it breaks it needed to be replaced anyway!"

my favorite definition:
EXPERT:
someone who knows all about how to do something but is incapable of doing it themselves so they feel compelled to tell those capable of doing it exactly how it should be done.

Don't sweat the petty $hit and don't pet the sweaty $hit.

at the bar
"spandex is a privilege, not a right"

"Those who can, do. Those that can't, teach"

if your gonna be stupid u better be tough.

When you catch someone checkin out your woman, tell him " you think shes hot now, you should see her naked"