Drinking Rum at 10 in the morning does NOT make you an alcoholic, it makes you a Pirate!

busier than a new bride's a$$
if you don't want a litter, hit her in the $h!tter
F*ck'em if they can't take a joke
Accuse first, investigate later
Can I help you with something or are you trying to peer a hole through my skull
your head's so big, it cant fit through the door
when you eat a jelly donut, eat the a$$hole first
I would get into a battle of wit with you, but you appear unarmed
sh!t rolls down hill
you cant fix stupid

If you give her an inch she'll think she's a ruler

The best is yet to come

Runs like a Kenyan!

Anytime someone says something leaving a bad mental picture, I say "Pardon me while I poke my minds eye out!".

Someone already posted my sig line!
l
l
v

"Your depth of knowledge in that subject matter is about as vast as a parking lot puddle."

When I meet a girl at a bar....the more you drink...... the better I look...

"Drink more whiskey and stop being a pu$$y"

"You hear me knocking,? let me in"

Oil in the bilge of a familiar boat... "Sweating horsepower"

Anytime there is water in the oil..."That is just condensation"

"If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong."

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks."

Studies have proven that 6 out of 7 people enjoy gang rape.