Would you consider that busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest??

I am off like a wet T-Shirt in Cancun!

I thought it was............. Lets make like a fetus & head out!!

"I'm done takin' sh!t from ole cactus thighs"

"You better start talkin some dollars, 'cause ya ain't makin' no sense!"

Phuck, fight or dance, I'm ready.

I`m outta here like a fetus at an abortion clinic.


If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose


Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.


Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you had had enough oxygen at birth?



I heard you had an idea once, but it died of loneliness.





I would engage you in a battle of wits but I refuse to duel with an unarmed person.




I read your mind, and trust me, it was a short story...






If I was in a room with you and two werewolves and I had a gun with two silver bullets, I'd shoot you, twice.






If your parents got a divorce would they still be brother and sister?




Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're an a$$hole!






Let's have a suicide pact. You go first.






Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!





The proctologist called... they found your head.

"Loose lips sink ships"

Always loved that one when a girlfriend is within earshot, or the guys get to telling stories. Sometimes its best just to keep stuff to yourself....

A 2 at 10pm will be a 10 at 2pm.
If you wanna go home with a girl everynight, it's simply....set low standards and fail to meet them!
I got mine, now you get yours!
I can't value your opinion if you're of no value in my world.
Does it LOOK like I'm having fun? (usually in response to my wife's "Having fun" when tools skip across the shop! LOL)
If I don't know it, it ain't worth knowin'
Somebody built this POS, and I don't wanna believe he's smarter than me!
And the saying I use most:
"righty tighty--lefty loosey" LOL!

I would rather owe you than pay you.